Breaking, Shaping, Moulding...

Some truth in my diet

2009-05-21T11:12:00.003+10:00

I found myself chasing my identity through what I did rather than who I was.
Who I was, now lets not get confused here, who I was on the surface was still pretty pitiful, but when I say that, rather than chasing the elusive rainbows of fulfilment through deed, I should have been finding self fulfilment in simply being me. By that I mean that when all selfishness, all grasping, all tainted, broken existence is put aside, what God created in those dark places, before my form was ever acknowledged or seen by this world – what God planned from the beginning of time, was good. Like all of Gods plans, creations and purposes - what he created me to be IS good.
Now regardless of what I may do, how I may fail, where I may find myself led astray, that does not eliminate the core of it all – That I am irrevocably and unconditionally loved. Full stop. No deeds necessary, no cool kids to impress, no “You must be this tall, or this old, or this spiritually wonderful’ signs in sight.
My biggest challenge in the quarter century that is my life, is understanding that simple, yet mind blowing, life altering, perspective changing fact.
Everything I do from there, everything I say, everything I think, everything I was -I am - needs to flow from that place, from that truth.
That God is God – and I am a product, a testimony of his great love.

Freebies!

2008-07-22T06:36:00.011+10:00

I am perhaps the slackest blogger out there, rivalled only by my daggy, gorgeous sister Katie who created a blog and then only posted, like twice. ;)

To continue the daggy streak I've only got time for a real quick post, but I just thought I'd update you on what I'm absolutely loving right now. It's freebies! and I mean, come one! Who doesn't?!

I'm loving jumping online and tracking down free samples of differnt products and getting that excitement of my receiving my little packages in the mail - in fact it's gotten to the point where Timmy's utterly jealous of the fact that we both receive mail, but only mine aren't bills :P

Best part is, we're talking good brands, and in some cases - Great brands, my favourite brands - clinique mascara or 3 step skin care program anyone?! Yes Please!

Here they are;

Free Techworks 700MB/80Minutes CD-RW

Free Elastoplast 40Pack Sterile Strips

Free Avery Label samples :
1 Pink Flowered folder
1 sheet of Laser name badge labels
1 sheet of Colour Laser Labels
2 sheet of Colour Laser Mailing Labels
1 Sheet of colour laser business cards
1 Sheet of colour laser print magnetic business cards

Free Clinique High Impact Mascara

2 free Nescafe Cafe Menu Coffee Satchets in, Mocha and Cappuccino

Free Janesce Exfoliating Clearing Wash sample and information booklet

and my very very favourite freebie thus far;

Free Clinique 3-step skin care program sample

yay for good old snail mail!! :D

And just for good measure here's a happy snap of cuddle time in our house;

Man Bags?

2008-05-19T16:21:00.002+10:00

I've been wanting to write this post in such a long time, yet time and time again distraction has gotten in the way and blogging has hit the back burner.
So alas, here I am and ready to write.

I don't consider myself to be a feminist. Infact with the good feminism has brought I also feel that it has wounded and dissillusioned woman tenfold. I respect and admire strong, independant woman more than I can ever express in words. But as the well known phrase states, "No man is an island" and nor is any woman.
When woman begin to believe that they would benefit from the exclusion of men from their lives. Well thats where I begin to feel that familiar irk. We were made for relationship with both men and woman. Friendship. And one gender without the other will inevitable find themselves lacking. We need things from each other which we struggle to find alone. We are incapable of 'doing it all'. We need the other so that we are better able to do whatever it is we were meant to be doing, to the best of our ability.
I have posted on similar things previously, and believe it or not this wasn't actually my reason for posting.

Rather I wanted to talk about this constant in the media for woman to always be eye candy and rarely anything more.
A couple of happenings which caught my attention recently were the visits made by 2 first ladies to the UK. However, while UK Newspapers couldn't keep one of them off the front page, the other didn't even receive a mention. Not in the back pages, not even a little article. Nothing. It was as if she was never there at all.
I'm talking about former supermodel Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, otherwise known as the new wife of French President Nicolas Sarkozy, otherwise known as that french chick who posed in nude photos. The other woman of which I refer is our very own Therese rein, otherwise known as the wife of Prime Minister Kevin Rudd.

Both woman joined their husbands on a visit to the UK, no doubt to ensure alliances remained strong. The visit for both woman involved many photo ops aswell as charity events. One look at carla and Therese and it id clear they are completely different, yet they both fell prey to the same cruel media focus.
The way they looked.
newspaper after newspaper reported on the arrival of the french President and his wife, yet rather quickly it became clear what was believed to be the most important news of the hour, heres a roundup of newspaper reports about the Sarkozy-Bruni visit:
"Not since Anne Boleyn has a woman curtseyed so deeply, so demurely, or so calculatedly before a British monarch, writes … the Daily Mail … as Fleet Street clears acres of space for the state visit of what the Independent calls France's ‘bling bling president’ and his wife. The Times - beside a black and white photograph of Carla Bruni-Sarkozy leaving the presidential plane in her grey Dior overcoat and matching pillbox hat - says she went for a look that was ‘part Jackie Onassis, part district nurse.’ ... But the Left-leaning Liberation highlights Mr Sarkozy's nervous ticks … and says he babbled like a child to the Queen at those moments when he had been advised to stay silent."
Daily Press in London stated, "...French President Sarkozy yesterday delivered a major speech on relations between our two countries. Can anyone remember a word he said? And will anyone forget the sight of his enchanting wife?..."
Not to mention the images of Carla's naked exploits during her younger days of modelling which plagued the press for the entirety of her visit.

While everyone is focussed on sideshows like Dior Coats and nervous ticks, France is actually in a bad way and in dire need of reform.

In Comparison the visit from Our Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and Wife Therese, went unreported in the UK, however A Current affair hit the streets here in Oz to ask the big and important questions hich need to be answered...

...find out what the public thought of Rein’s fashion choices during her recent world tour with husband Kevin Rudd... What?!!!

Responses ranged from “just not stylish” to “very frumpy for a first lady” to, from Sydney hairdresser Joh Bailey,“[Her hair] definitely needs to be blowdried straight and smooth. It’s just not an appropriate look for the world stage.”

While Carla received nothing but praise, and Therese nothing but critisism, they do both find themselves in the same position. being valued on the bais of the way they look.
It is a sad reality that we find ourselves in. Forgive me for not knowing her name, but I saw woman on channel 7's Sunrise program appear as a guest panelist not long ago who had interviewed both Carla and Therese [at seperate times of course] and commented that both women were incredibly intelligent, warm and friendly people. Yet we are rarely told of any of this. Instead we find ourselves bombared with images and comments on their fashion choices rather than their thoughts and opinions and ability to communicate with people and do their husbands proud.
now I've heard of Man bags, but this is getting ridiculous. men should not carry handbags, because women have more to offer than that.
it's time we started to value women for more than face value. theres some incredible women out there, yet sadly we will never know so long as we continue to merely look and not engage.

Because honestly if we're going to talk about Therese Rein then lets not forget that This woman has founded and run a multimillion dollar business while raising three kids and supporting her husband to the highest office in the land.

But no, lets just keep talking about her clothes.

The Journey has only just begun...

2008-03-14T11:17:00.006+11:00

The Proverbs 31 woman...will she forever be the epitome of what every wife hopes to be? I read her story again about a week ago. I can't help but feel that if I keep her example close to the forefront of my thinking then it changes my attitude to nearly every aspect of my life.
I have one of the most patient husbands in existance, because I know that I've been a pain in the butt these last few months. It's funny the things you notice in retrospect, because at the time it was happening I don't think I ever wanted to ackowledge, let alone change it. My attitude sucked to be perfectly honest.
I wasn't getting work, and it made me feel like a housewife - cooking, cleaning and keeping up the house and I hated it! The feminist in me said that if I as a modern woman was doing that I was cheating myself. I felt unimportant and cranky because this wasn't the life I had envisioned when I married Tim. I think that it was almost an act of rebellion when I got slack around the house. It was almost as if I thought if I didn't actually do it then I wouldn't actually be a 'house wife'.
My wake-up call came when Timmy got home from work exhausted and then went over to the sink and started washing up. And he was still managing to do it cheerfully.
I looked at him with complete awe and it was in that moment that I saw myself, my attitude and my flaw...clearly.
Like everything I will ever face in this lifetime, it all fell back to my identity, the absolute core of who I am. I felt as though being a 'housewife' depleted my worth as a person, as though because I hadn't actually chosen it for myself it made me less.
What a horrible, hateful lie!!!
No I hadn't chosen this for myself yet, but for now this is where I'm at. Until I manage to get some more work this IS the life I have. Life doesn't stop, slow up and wait till it's everything we want it to be. It keeps plodding along, it keeps growing and changing and evolving and we have to work with what we've got while pushing it towards what we want it to be. There is a reason I am here right now, there are things God wants me to see, to learn and to change. My attitude is the big kicker. I need to take myself to a place where I can do the most mundane task cheerfully because of the song and the joy GOD has placed in my heart. If there is one thing I've learnt over the last few months, it's that on my own I'm not going to be able to get to a place where I can give myself that sort of joy.

13 A happy heart makes the face cheerful,
but heartache crushes the spirit.

14 The discerning heart seeks knowledge,
but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.

15 All the days of the oppressed are wretched,
but the cheerful heart has a continual feast.
Proverbs 15.

Throughout all of this, I was picking at Tim. My identity felt jeapordised by the way life was playing out and while I did not even notice my own attitude, I would notice the smallest things in Tim and I would point them out to him.
As I lay in bed one night, in the dark I felt the Holy Spirit whisper;
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in his eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
I was flawed, and I wept. I saw what a massive fool I had been and I felt utterly idiotic. I hate waking Tim up, but I woke him that night and I shared with him everything which had been churning about and I shared the deepest and most sincere apology of my life.
He carries such an integrity and strength. Not only had be refused to allow my crappy attitude to affect his, but he had been praying for me for months, knowing that I would probably only get defensive if he tried to show me my error and instead asking God to show it to me when I was ready. Yet with all of Tims strength, when I shared with him my lesson and my apology I watched the soft tears which made their way down his cheeks.
I love this man.

I'm working on my attitude, and I find myself being able to endure the housework and being the 'housewife' if only for my fella's; My God and my husband - my 2 favourite boys ;)

That said, yesterday, during one of my cleaning frenzies I rediscovered one of my favourite books, 'Fight like a girl' By Lisa Bevere. I opened it up randomly and my eyes fell on page 99 - 'The Call of Tenderness' As I read I realised the folly of how I had been knitpicking Tim and I caught a better look at the kind of wife I wanted to be. I want to share with you a snippet from the source my enlightenment;

"...I want you to imagine a beautiful maiden extending a sword in the gesture if knighting a young man who kneels before her. He goes down a man and arises a knight. What interchange has just taken place? Why does the man kneel before her?
The woman has transferred something intangible to the young man bowed before her. He kneels because she embodies the very reason and hope for his pledge. He vows to protect all she represents with the edge of his sword and the strength of his might. If war peril, or great need were to arise, he would count his life forfeit if it meant protecting hers...

...I love this image. It conveys the power of feminine virtue and beauty to stir a man to a higher purpose. It is the gentle awakening the strong by bestowing glory.
He does not fear the sword when it is in her hand. In her possession, it is no longer a weapon but an instrument of transformation. It is not presented to threaten, wound, or strike the man; it is extended to set him apart. He is no longer the same. As a knight, his life has been expanded and his name enlarged to encompass a title and eventually a legacy. He has been dubbed and elevated. This means both weight and honour have been added to his name. With the sword, she transfers power and confers something only she can give: a higher purpose and reason to live.
He does not experience the edge of the sword when it is in her hands.
He feels the swords full weight as the flat of it is transferred from shoulder to shoulder. With this solemn act, she grants him the neccessary authority and entitlement. He now shoulders the responsibility and honour of the one who bears the sword..." - extract taken from 'Fight like a girl' By Lisa Bevere

I realised that Timmy had seen and felt the edge of the sword while it had been in my hands. I had wounded him rather than honoured him within our time together. I realised more than ever how desperately I wanted things to change and how much I needed things to change.

I had taken my inadequacies and pushed them onto Tim with statements like;
"I would be a better wife if he would just be a better leader."
"I would be a better wife if he would be more romantic."
"I would be a better wife if he would just listen to me more often."

Now, I want to turn these statements and attitudes around and replace them with;

"He would be a better husband if I would pray for him daily."
"He would be a better husband if I would speak highly of him to others."
"He would be a better husband if I would show more compassion to him."
"He would be a better husband if I would..."

I feel like I am at one of the most incredible turning points of my life. I can feel myself changing and I know that it's good. This has been one of the hardest posts I've ever had to write because I realise how it makes me look. But I don't care anymore, because it doesn't define me, I am a work in progress, I haven't done things perfectly from the beginning, I'm still learning how to be a wife and I will continue to learn how to do this right. I know I've got a lot more lessons to learn I'm just so glad that I'm learning this one.
I have an amazing man in Tim, He takes my breath away, his strength, his patience and his love absolutely floor me.
Thankyou God that he reached out and didn't give up on me.

The Scavengers Return...

2008-03-10T15:48:00.006+11:00

It's council pick-up week here in Coburg. Which means, it's that glorious time of year when poor-newlyweds can raid their neighbours 'junk' without appearing too odd or desperate. Timmy and I set off in his red ute Sheila, working our way up and down the northern streets of Coburg. This is where we grow to absolutely love the neighbours who can afford to buy a brand new couch and toss out a perfectly good last season one. We were absolutely flawed with our finds.
By the end of the day we had managed to snaffle and walk away with;
** A pair of matching arm chairs - as yet we've been unable to locate any sort of flaw, they were easily the score of the day

** A near new [still in it's original sealed plastic] double bed 'sleep eze' inner coil mattress. Which means that together with the entire bed frame we scored about a month ago we now have ourselves set up for a comfortable stay should anyone come stay at our little happy home.

** A 3 seater brown velvet lounge. I got a kick out of it reminding me of the couch in 'friends'

** A black leather recliner, which has become timmys new pride and joy during his XBox time.

and last but not least,

**A plastic clam shell pool for Jester. Apparantly melbourne is in a bit of a heat wave and a husky's favourite way for dealing with heat is to immerse their feet in water. We've set up the little pool under a tree in the backyard and Jesters been running in and out of it as he sees fit. His idea of heaven on earth is taking his bones into the pool and just laying there in the cool, wet chewing to his hearts content.

So all in all, it's a happy house. We returned from the hunt, stinky and sweaty from moving couches all over town, but we couldn't wipe the smiles off our faces and keep the giggles from escaping...a combination of dehydration and ridiculous luck will do that to a person ;)

Money's still tight, but yesterday we experienced a whole heap of fun on a shoestring, walked away with some cool stuff and all it cost us was the cost of the petrol to potter around for the afternoon.
Who said you can't have a saturdays worth of fun for less than 5 bucks these days?!!

The New Site...

2008-02-26T14:53:00.006+11:00

Okay, so we did it for the wedding and now we've done it again for the aftermath. Entitled Tim & Jess: Life After The Wedding. This site is dedicated to keeping in touch with rellies and family who we're so far away from, with the intention of helping us to stay in touch and keep people more up to date on life. Feel free to drop over and have a squiz by clicking HERE, leave us a message with whats going on in life. Timmy and I do actually read and respond, so it's sorta like an online community of sorts.
It's always nice to stay in touch.

Taking me in...

2008-02-26T14:26:00.002+11:00

I love a song that draws me towards a place of true and sincere worship. From the very first 2 lines of "At the start, he was there...
In the end, he'll be there..." it gets me so bad...

David Crowder Band have such an amazing heart for worship and their song "The Glory of It All" has quickly become one of my very new favourites.

At the startHe was there, He was there
In the end,He'll be there, He'll be there
And after all our hands have wrought
He forgives

Oh the Glory of it all is:
He came here
For the rescue of us all
That we may live
For the glory of it all
For the glory of it all

All is lost
Find Him there. Find Him there.
After night,
Dawn is there. Dawn is there.
After all falls apart
He repairs. He repairs.

Oh the Glory of it all is:
He came here
For the rescue of us all
That we may live
For the glory of it all Oh He is here
For redemption from the fall
That we may live
For the glory of it all
Oh the glory of it all
The glory of it all
Oh the glory of it all

After night
Comes the light
Dawn is here Dawn is here

It's a new day
It's a new day
Everything will change
Things will never be the same
We will never be the same
We will never be the same
We will never be the same
We will never be the same

The [marriage] Learning Curve

2008-02-11T00:29:00.000+11:00

Marriage really is such an interesting thing. It's so different from anything I have ever done before in my life. Call me naive, but I really didn't think it would be a whole heap different from my days of flatmates during uni, only a million times better because it was me sharing a place with the man I love.

It's a whoooooole heap different, and I find myself not really being able to explain why. Would it be suffice to say, "It Just is..." ?!!

Things have been tight around our place for the last few weeks. I'm still doing the casual teaching thing, as I never even received an interview for any of the jobs I applied for. It's a tricky business, believing that God has it all under control, that the job for me is out there I've just gotta keep applying and trusting. It's hard not to take it personally when I'm completely given the miss. I don't know how many times I've been told that there is a teacher shortage here in Melbourne. Every job I've applied for, when I've done the follow-up phonecall in an attempt to represent just how keen I am, I've been told that there are over a hundred applicants for each one of them. Now I'm no math buff, but to me that doesn't indicate any sort of shortage.

Seeing as school has only just gone back, the casual thing really hasn't supplied any work. I'm staying confident that the teacher absenses will be begin to steadily rise from here on in. But until then, it means that we're surviving on Timmy's wage alone. And it's tough.

It's been a pretty rough wake-up, a sort of baptism of fire. Life as a married, responsible couple in the city is a far cry from the country, Uni students with cheap accomodation and very little responsibility.

I guess it all has taken it's toll, we're more stressed than I think we've ever seen each other. Someone once told me that the highest rating reason for couples getting a divorce was due to finances. While Tim and I are nowhere near contemplating divorce, we CAN understand why finances would be a trigger. It's stressful when you're counting the pennies, trying to stretch it as far as it will go. Its almost suffocating.

I'm not typing this here to try and build sympathy, nor to make us out to be some sort of charity case. I guess the reason I'm sharing this is because it is an exhausting task to always respond to the question "So...hows married life?" with the overused "Great! Yeah, everythings fantastic!"

Because the truth is, everything ISN'T always fantastic. Tim and I fight and argue over, often the most stupid and trivial things that it seems ridiculous. Does that mean that we love each other any less than the day we made it all official with the pretty dress and the big cake and party? No, if anything we love each other a little bit more with ever fight. Because we're invested in each others lives. We care so deeply about each other that the energy is still there to fight for one another.

We argue because we're still learning. Gosh, we're learning so much! Yeah I was naive to think it would ever be anything like living with a flatmate - Timmy is a million times more important to me than any flatmate I have ever flatted with.

Everyday that we spend together holds the potential for learning, for growing, for human error and for understanding. our feeble little human minds miscomprehend, misinterpret and just plain miss so much! But we're getting there!!

I have never doubted that what Tim and I have is the real deal. I have never doubted that we have what it takes to love each other forever.

We're still learning what it is we need and we want of each other. Those desires and needs are a constantly evolving aspect of who we are. So it requires us to be constantly investing and listening and reaching out to one another. Perfection is a concept which is so foreign, but Love is something I'm reminded of everyday.

I love being Tims wife. I love him so much. I'm glad that I'm sharing this journey with him. We're in one of those tougher phases of life, but we know that Gods walking with us through it. We know that he's already gone up ahead and he's guiding us towards the good stuff. We're going to be better together, when we 'get' each other better, when we know the finer details better, when we're atuned and more parallel with not only each other, but with God also.

We are a work in process! But perhaps the greatest thing is that We're learning to find the joys in the little things. Those reminders that we're not forgotten, we're being looked after and watched over. Today, Timmy and I realised that his overtime at work had meant that we really hadn't spent a whole lot of one-on-one time together. So as we were watching telly in bed we suddenly decided to get up, grap Jesters leash and go for a wander around the block. it was so glorious, so needed. It was on sunset and the glow of the streets just felt gorgeous, we wandered and talked, laughed at Jester being his goofy normal self. The walk was blessing in itself, but as we came to the end of a street, there were the pieces of an iron double bed, resting against a fence with a sign telling us that it was free to anyone who wanted it. We had been wanting to get a double bed for our spare room, but couldn't afford it, so put it on our wish list.

We spent the next couple of minutes discussing what we would do about the missing slats...could we make our own? When Tim noticed another sign on it saying that all we needed to do was enquire in the house to grab the slats.

It was utterly amazing! Everything was there, all the pieces of the frame, the bolts and the slats - beautiful condition, all thats left is to get a double mattress.

We were utterly in awe. The only thing we could say was a massive thankyou to the big dude, for leaving us speechless by his incredible level of love and care for the mundane things in our lives, and reminding us that he's watching out for us...finances will never phase us so long as we keep trusting and loving him.

Life will always work out. So long as we keep working life out with God!

You know what?yeah we're Counting every penny right now, but it's not going to get us down...Life really is great!

True Happiness is all about perspective! :)

I'm in Love...

2008-01-23T03:30:00.000+11:00

...with my little family.

I adore my husband and find myself falling more and more in love with him everyday, and I couldn't imagine life without my furry little children anymore.

All in all, life is wonderful. :)

2008-01-22T01:55:00.000+11:00

It seems that this poor blog here has been severly neglected. If there is actually anyone out there who reads this, then I sincerely apologise for my laziness in posting. However since I remain under the impression that it is only I who I am writing for, then I owe myself the apology. As I never seem able to work through the blessings of life as I can when I write, and so, short of calling it a new years resolution, I shall write more, again.

6. Six.

That is the number of weeks it has been since I have worked. The number of weeks since I have last seen a pay check and the number of weeks in which I have found myself more and more, pondering my future. Our future.

School holidays have meant that there are no teachers whom I can 'relieve' and since I am still considered a casual, I don't fall under that wonderful blanket of 'holiday pay' - what a glorious phrase it is!
I have been looking and applying for permanent, and semi-permanent teaching work, and for a while there, getting rather disheartened by the fact that there simply had not been interest thrown in my direction. However I am one of those prayers, who asks that God would quite simply 'open the doors I should walk through and slam shut those which I am to leave'.
The silence from possible emplyment has left me feeling that none of the jobs I have considered have yet to be 'mine' the one which is God ordained. Nevertheless I have continued to apply, whilst allowing myself to dream.

Tim and I have been chatting of late[well we shat all the time really ;) ] We have basically come to the conclusion that I do not feel compelled to teach full-time. I had always asked of Tim, that if I ever seemed to lack the passion for teaching then I need not persue it, as it is one of those careers which you simply cannot fake. You are responsible of massive things, this is the shaping of little lives we're talking about!

So, together we have decided that I shall continue to teach casually. That is where my heart is at right now. While I persue other passions and desires. In the 2nd semester of this year I will begin a course in makeup design and application and I must say I'm massively excited about it.

I have my teaching degree and I know that it was not for nothing. I plan to use it to step off from, to continue to teach casually, earning money which will allow me to persue this other direction.
I feel excited and energised. I was falling into a rut, settling into a complacancy of sorts. looking in the eye a career which lacked the artistic excitement I yearn for.

Love Love Love goes out to my amazingly supportive and all-together wonderful husband, who encourages me to live my life with passion. Theres a chance I may try to back out, but it's nice to know that he knows what truly brings me happiness , and thus far has shown an earnest unwillingness to allow me to bore myself, simply out of safety and an easy buck. He's amazing!

I have great ambitions. To delve into womens ministry.
I have this great passion for women, seeing them come to the full revelation of their own worth. Perhaps it sounds obsurd that I should attempt to make women see their inner beauty through external means, but I hope to unlock bigger issues than what shade of lipstick suits you.
I don't know exactly how or when or what, but I'm trusting that God is bigger than all my uncertainties. He knows my heart, I'm just going to try and follow his lead.

Can anyone hear pitter-pattering?

2007-12-06T17:20:00.000+11:00

There was a funny thing that happened after we got married. More and more, Timmy and I found ourselves yearning for the sound of tiny little feet running up the hallway, to nurture and love unconditionally that little somebody.

So, after much thought and prayer and consideration we made the big, lifelong commitment to add a new member to our family...

...

...

Its a boy,

...

...

And his name is...

...

JESTER!!

He's a goofey kid, with a whole heap of personality, while being really, really clever. So 'Jester' was the perfect fit.He's a Siberian Husky, and he's just hit 3 months, we've had him since he was 6 weeks old. So it's only been a short time, but we cannot imagine him not being a part of our family.
He's hyper, so you're lucky to see any good photo's, as he's incredibly difficult to photograph [he rarely stops moving!!]

kay okay, so I know Belinda is going to be dissapointed that all this hype was about a puppy and not a baby, but Jester really is our little bub, and the only bub we're going to be having for a good few years yet. And anyway, we said we yearned for the pitter-patter of tiny feet...well, we get more feet this way ;)

The Wedding, with Pictures

2007-11-30T10:36:00.001+11:00

Okay, I've been promising for the longest time, a more thorough run-through of the wedding day. And so, at last, here I am with the goods.
The Day began with all us girls waking at my mum and dads place. We stirred at around 7:30am and probably rolled out of bed a good 15 minutes later. Jess W and I had shared my double, while Kate and Rea had shared the other, which left an opening for lines like "Well...we did sleep together last night..." for the rest of the day.
Meanwhile, the boys were over at the Forster Motor Inn, a hotel run by a soccer-buddy of my dads, who had given us the awesome rate of $75 per room[could fit 4 people] per night for anyone who mentioned that they were guests of the Gordon-Braybrook wedding. Therefore basically the entire hotel was overrun with our family and friends. It's probably important to mention here, that this was right in the middle of school holidays, so the rate was absolutely amazing and incredibly generous and Timmy and I probably owe the owners our first born, or something along those lines ;)

Ahem...so where was I? Oh yes, the boys were over at the hotel still in bed, they would only rise, come 10am in order to go for a swim before leaisurely eating lunch, having a shower, getting dressed and heading over to the Ceremony. The atmosphere was utterly festive at the Motel. Having been overrun with family and friends of ours, Timmy's mum had organised big platters of sandwiches, fruit, cheese and cold meats around the pool to make sure all the guests were happy campers.
Over in the other camp, it was a bit more busy. Katie[my gorgeous twin] and I started on the girls hair and makeup. Music of choice?...we eased ourselves into it with some Brooke Fraser, before deciding that we needed a bit of girlrock and opted for some Superchick to get us bouncing around with excitement.

Probably spent about 40 minutes on each of the girl, doing their hair and any makeup they didn't feel confident with doing themselves. The girls were awesome, helping out big-time by applying more of their makeup themselves.

Eventually I made a dash to mum and dads ensuite, for Kate to glam up. She then did my hair, while I did my own makeup, rea[bridesmaid] wandered in to deliver some finger sandwiches and orange juice, of which i barely ate...I could feel the nervous excitement starting to build.

Pretty much before we knew it, it was time for me to slip into my dress - when I say 'slip' I actually mean; Kate gathering the millions of layers of skirt, me holding my arms up over my head and navigating my way through the maze of material, before standing for about 10-15 minutes while Katie wove the ties through their loops in order to fasten the back. If I knew one thing, that dress was so impressively secured, there was no way it was ever going to fall right off during the festivities.

At about 11:45am our photographer for the day, [another soccer buddy of my Dads] Dave rocked up with his wife Leonie. They basically come as a package, Dave doing the photographer stuff while Leonie runs about making sure my dress is sitting right, my hairs all good, as well as racing about with her own camera taking pictures of all the little details on the dresses, the flowers and whatever else inspired her.

So we pottered about in the house and garden, Dave clicking away the whole time.

At about 12:55pm Katie came wandering out with glasses of bubbly for us all, we were due to leave so it meant we either drank fast or left it behind. I had Rea standing on my left and Jess standing on my right - they had me in fits of laughter as Jess tried to convince me to skull the lot, while Rea was telling me that no I shouldn't. I got the picture in my head of the little angel on one shoulder and the little devil on the other...the girls loved the image and in the end we all sipped away, took a little extra time, until the glasses were finished.

We were on our way. The girls all crammed into the other 2 cars while I had the white all to myself. My dad was driving my car for the day, which was fantastic. It meant that i got a good 15 minutes with just dad and I before we reached the ceremony. I love my dad, and it was perfect to share those last few moments as a 'Miss' with him.

At around 1:15pm we arrived at the Green cathedral. This gorgeous outdoor church which i had imagined getting married in, ever since I was about 12 years old. All the guest had arrived Timmy and his boys were waiting patiently down the front, preparing for our arrival. The girls gave me one last primp before we descended the aisle. Bit of hair flicking, some lip gloss and finally popping the veil over my face.

I'll admit my heart was in my throat, this was it, the moment had begun.

We walked the aisle to an accoustic version of "Forever" by Overflow, performed by an incredibly talented friend Rob Heague. He did an absolutely beautiful job which nearly had me in tears before I'd even reached the end of the aisle

The aisle walk was one of the most amazing moments, and I know that I will remember it forever. It was the first time I had seen so many people, who I absolutely adore, in so long. I can still remember passing Ozza and actually saying "Heeeey" , seeing Chris W [Mr C] and he gave me a little wave, WaeJae, with his big grin and Camera in hand [so little changes]before realising that I'd have time to chat to everyone AFTER the ceremony :P And then I spotted Timmy, and he looked beautiful and I couldn't wait to get down to the end of the aisle and see him properly.

Daryll was making it all official, I'd known him for years as he was the assistant pastor and recently made Pastor of my childhood church. He did such a fantastic job, he kept it relaxed and playful while capturing the heart and seriousness of the marriage covenant.

When it came time for the 'giving away' of the Bride I had asked mum and dad to do it together, and so they both stood side-by-side and said "We Do", I nearly lost it when mum was forced to hesitate while she choked back the tears - I have the most amazing parents and they have both been such incredible influences in my life, they both deserve to be honoured and to stand together with equal acknowledgment for the work they have done in my life to raise and nurture me.

Rob returned with his guitar, and everyone popped back onto their feet to sing with him Chris Tomlin's "You Do All Things Well" We had included the words in the program for anyone who wasn't familiar with the song. I was so glad that we had decided to do that. There was something incredibly wonderful about standing there, in the beauty of these gorgeous surrounds singing a song of worship to my God.

I ended up just closing my eyes and allowed myself a moment to breathe God in while pausing to consider the full magnitude of this very day. By the time the song ended and I opened my eyes, I was ready. The nerves had calmed, I felt at peace and as I looked into Timmy's eyes I knew there was nothing I wanted more than to become his wife.

A dear friend of mine and known in my family as "The Third Twin" Steve kindly did the bible reading for us. We had deliberately strayed from the usual suspect of 1 Corinthians 13...it truely is a beautiful verse, but we both decided that it was probably the most overused bible passage in wedding history. We however decided that since the bible really is such a fantastic book then surely there were other verses which could capture love. And so Steve read for us Song of Songs 8 and Ecclesiastes 4.

Timmy and I had made the decision to write our own vows. A decision which we had not always chosen. Originally I think that we had opted to go with the traditional as we felt it was one less thing for us to stress about, you know how the saying goes "If it aint broke, don't fix it" and we had enough on our plates with the rest of the wedding anyway.
And then in the lead-up to our wedding, together we worked through the book "Lies at the Alter" By Dr Robyn Smith and it absolutely changed our stance. We realised that we really wanted to go into marriage being honest and aware of the promises we were making to each other. The traditional vows are wonderful and I know that many, many couples are more than happy with them. But as Tim and I worked our way through the traditional vows we realised that we desperately wanted to make promises to each other which were straight forward, clear and without misinterpretation, more than anything we wanted to go into marriage knowing that we had taken the time to meditate on the promises we were making to one another, to take the traditional vows apart, break them down and speak out our truths to one another.
here are the vows we made to each other. And Yes there were some tears. ;)

Tims Vows:
"Jess, I found it very hard to sit and write these vows because, as you know I'm not that great at expressing my feelings. So I decided to lay everything out and work through it all with the logical mind that you always say I have. Doing this led me to examine what is important to us, our relationship and what we have learnt over the last two years. By doing so, has led me to what I believe is the most important things that I need to give to you.
Jess, I promise that I will always respect you and your opinions, even when we disagree. That I will always listen to your opinion and advise and communicate mine to you.
I promise to seek Gods way before my own, and strive to lead our family in the strength of his ways and purpose.
I promise you that we will both have an equal share in the emotional and spiritual deposits and withdraws of our relationship.
I will always count you as my equal, in every facet of my life.
You will be my guide, my partner and my follower, as I will be all these things to you.
In all the good times and the bad, when we may feel at odds with each other, I promise to love you and that I will always be there as your husband to support you, but most importantly, I will always be there as your friend.
Jess, I love you."

My Vows:
"In preparing these vows today, it gave me a chance to take a look backwards in order to prepare for the next chapter of life as we, together look to our future.
A great friend once told me, that the best part of a relationship is right at the beginning, while you’re still learning all about this new person in your life. I disagree. I love here and now. I love knowing you, being able to predict your reactions, knowing that you are a man of dignity and respect. Knowing that you have not simply received my trust and adoration, but that you have worked hard to earn it in the way that you treat me and love me, in thought and in action by just living your life.
Today, in front of God and the people we love most in the world, I want to promise you my truths.
I promise to live my life with you, not as an imposter, but to be real in who I am. And to desire that you live your life as your true self. To continue to nurture our relationship as a place of love. Where both of us can feel safe in sharing our shortcomings, our vulnerability our imperfections. While knowing that, that place reserved for simply you and me, can be a space for comfort, support and encouragement because honesty and truth always reign.

I promise to be humble enough to know that neither of us are perfect, and that we will never always get things exactly right, but in love be willing to drop my pride and apologise when I am wrong. We may not always agree, in fact I know we won’t always agree, but I promise to respect you. To accept your opinion, to really listen when you speak not simply be waiting for you to finish speaking so that I can speak again.

I promise to love God with everything, to persue his purposes in my life – to share with you my passions, my desires, my hopes and dreams and to love you enough to desire that you live your life in persuit of Gods best for you.

I promise to care about your life. To be interested in you, in your days. To be a witness to great things you will do, while being so grateful to be able to share in the mundane, and hum-drum everyday pace of life as well.

I promise to value your family and friends, because they’re important to you. To understand that this life is far bigger than simply you and me. That great friendships and family are what brings vibrancy and true joy to both of us. To know that a healthy part of our relationship, includes time away from each other. That the greatest thing we can do for ‘us’ is to stay in touch with life beyond ourselves and continue to reach out to those around us for support and friendship in order to live a life together which is rich and blessed.

We have come a long way. We have learnt and grown so much… individually and together. But perhaps the greatest part, is that you have become, not simply my Spunky-musk- rat, but you’re my friend. I love that we can love each other, not simply as a couple, but also as two kindred spirits who love to laugh and be sarcastic and goofey.I promise you, that I will be there with you as your wife, and your friend, as we learn the lessons which life will teach us together and seperately.

The love I promise you today, is more far reaching than simply uncontrollable emotion. The love I promise you is a choice. I choose to love you when times are difficult, I choose to love you when we don’t agree, I choose to love you when life is really kicking us in the guts. I choose to wake up, every day and love you… for the rest of my life.I stand here today, and I make these promises, because I choose you Tim.
You are the Great love of my life, and I will love you forever"

I think the tears started flowing from me around the part where I said "I choose you, Tim" which was ammusing, as the whole leadup to the wedding I had been sure that I wouldn't cry. Afterwards people were asking me whether I had been laughing or crying, truth is I had been crying then started laughing softly to myself because I was crying...I surprised myself with the depth of my love and how completely I felt Gods blessing as I spoke those vows to Tim.
We had the exchange of rings and pretty soon it was time for some pashing :P no no, we were tasteful. kate described the kiss as "...the best wedding kiss I have ever seen, coz it was more than a peck, but not enough that I felt like I needed to look away

We signed the register, To the sound of Rob singing “All I Need” By Stu Larsen.
Then mingled with everyone for a good 15-20 minutes, before we all had to skidaddle so the next wedding could head in. Figures that such a beautiful spot would be so heavily booked, truth is it had been a miracle that we had gotten the spot we had as it was completely booked up, and that was even when booking a year in advance!

The bridal party jumped in the cars and headed over to One Mile Beach for photo's.
This basically involved wandering up and down the beach, chatting and laughing and enjoying the warm sun. Highlight of the day was leaving the ceremony and realising that we were all ridiculously thirsty, so we pulled up into the drive-in bottle O and picked up some bottles of coke. We had people in the shop shouting congratulations and lauging that we were in there...we were highly ammused.
As we had arrived at the beach for photo's, us girls had started to complain of hunger, having eaten very little that morning. Can I just say that I have married a man who knows me all too well. The boys had stocked their car up on Starburst and Natural Confectionary company lollies before the ceremony, knowing that there was a good chance us girls would get a bit snappy should hunger kick in :P so we scarfed into the lollies and bounced around happily on our sugar high.

At 3:30pm we headed to the Wharf opposite the Wharf Bar and tandoori [where the reception was] in order to get piccies with everyone before heading inside. We ended up pottering around and carrying on for a good half an hour before heading upstairs to the restaurant.

Once in however, we were greeted by masses of finger-food on the verandah overlooking the lake. There was so much fingerfood, that i think people assumed it was all the food they were going to get and chowed into it...man! It was freakin' beautiful food!!
More mingling and catching-up with friends, with the company of great food and good wine. John proved to be an incredible companion for my evening. I had only met John 2 weeks before the wedding as he was a good friend of Katies but he looked after me all night and made sure I always had a drink nearby and as much food as I desired...he even popped over to the bar and shouted me a smirnoff double-black which wasn't included on the bar tab. He's a ripper friend and I've only known him for such a short time.

At around 5:30pm, Timmy and I slipped out of the restaurant and back onto the wharf with Dave[the photographer] for some pictures in front of the sunset.

Upon returning to the restaurant, everyone was inside and seated, chatting as they waited, before Dad [also our M.C.] could be heard over the microphone announcing our arrival for the first time as Mr & Mr's Timothy and Jessica Gordon" Applause, hoots and wolf whistles and that little warm fuzzy in my gut at hearing my new name, attaching me to Timmy :D
We weaved our way through the tables and blonked ourselves down at the Bridal Table.

Dad did the intro and explained the reason behind the Thomas the Tank Engine seating cards. We had opted for not allocating specific seats, instead we had a canvas on a tripod, in the entry, showing which tables people were at, then once people found their tables they simply chose a seat. Tables were named after a different Thomas the Tank Engine character, due to Timmy's childhood love [or should I say obsession] with the little blue metalled friend. I had deliberately tried to create a bit of balance, as weddings to easily become a chicks paradise and hell on earth for men, especially when pink is involved [I don't care what anyone says, real men don't really like pink!] thus we had deliberately strayed from typically 'girly' colours, avoided an overload of flowers and ended up with gorgeous Peacock feathers for me, and Thomas the Tank engine featuring for Timmy. I loved it! The room looked absolutely beautiful, and the peacock feathers in the large vases on top of the table, created this stunning sort of drama! *sigh* It looked better than I ever imagined it could!

Timmy and I are much more comfortable with the casual than the formal, so we opted for a Buffet dinner. Once again Prete and the team at The Wharf Bar and Tandoori impressed. there was more than enough food and every time you thought it was starting to get a bit low, they would bring out another tray. The menu was a mixture of Roasted vegetables, Hot meats, Baked potatoes and hot and cold salads.
Being the bridal party, we were given first crack at it. My eyes were slightly too big for my tummy. As hungry as I felt, by the time I sat down to eat my hunger was gone again [Trev, my bridesmaid Becs husband, had told me that I would have no appetite in the morning, it would come back after the ceremony and then by the time dinner rocked up it'd be gone again...he was exactly right!]

Dinner rolled on, and dad began the nights events. I feel now would be the time to say what an absolutely fantastic job my dad did as M.C. As if being Father-of-the-bride wasn't enough responsibility for one man to handle, but having seen how dad did it, no one else would have measured up. He Was Amazing!
Timmy and I had known that quite a few friends had gone to big effort to be there on the day, so we had given dad a list and asked that he made special mention of them at some point during the night. But dad, had gone one step further. Unbeknownst to us, he had organised to have medals made up which were engraved with the words "Tim & Jess Gordon, 6-10-2007" and used them as 'gongs' to say thankyou to those friends who went above and beyond.
The special mentions were made to;
Grant - Who missed his graduation ceremony to be there.
Sam & Alex - Who travelled all the way from Darwin to be there.
Owen - Who gave up a pro riding tour in Tasmania to be there.
Rob & Amy - Who not only made a mad dash back from Conference in Brisbane to be there, but Rob brought his musical magic to our ceremony.
Daryll & Kerry - Who also rushed back from conference so Daryll could make it all official!

Father-of-the-bride speech came next, and dad was in fine form. He has a reputation for his long rambling stories and his love of a captive audience. He had a microphone so this was no exception. I love my dad, he is easily one of my most favourite people in the whole world, when I hear him speak he reminds me of just how much I love him, and how hopelessly proud of him I am.

Mother-of-the-groom speech came next and Gere began it by giving out one more special mention 'gong' which was to the more than deserving Alex - who had not only sold Bathurst 1000 tickets in order to be at the wedding, but had taken on the role of Best Man and had been the most helpful and uncomplaining person in the history of a wedding. Without a word he would take on duties and do them fantastically, I know how much burden he took of Tim, kept his spirits soaring. Timmy was so grateful to have him there, they're the sort of friends that will always be.
Gere shared some stories about Timmy, and made me smile. I love my new mum. It has always been important to me to have a mother-in-law who I adore. I think it's carbage to think that you're suppose to dislike them, Gere is quickly capturing a big chunk of my heart.
Dad was back on the microphone, with yet another surprise. He had 4 'gongs' left, and announced that there were in-fact 'Best Dressed Awards' to be handed over. Apparantly he had collaborated with the Groomsmen in order to decide the female winners, who were; Tims Aunty Lo and my good friend Rheannwynne. To choose the male best dressed winners, Dad had consulted with the Bridesmaids in order to decide on; That ripper friend I have already spoken of, John and Dads good friend Geoff.

I loved all dads little touches to the reception. He kept the atmosphere fun and interesting, when it could have become all to easy to bore during the speeches. Once again I say, Dad was the best M.C...well...ever!
Dad went on to introduce Alex, for the Best Man Speech. This speech was the greatest speech in the history of best man speeches.

Alex was absolutely fantastic! he had us laughing as he entertained us with the history of his friendship with Tim, the story of Tim and I - from the perspective of the best mate and then he had us near tears as he shared of his honour at Tims friendship, how proud he was of Timmy and his best wishes for Tim and I in the future. I cried a lot more on my wedding day than I ever thought I would. It will be a beautiful memory for the rest of my life.
But alas, the night is nowhere near over yet. Timmy and I wandered over to cut our cake, it was humble and modest, but exactly what we wanted.

We had both been absolutely chuffed with getting a little Timmy and Jess on the top...we loved it. Once we made the photo-sake cut, the cake was whisked off to the kitchen so the chef could cut it up, put it in bowls with some cream and serve it up to the guests.

meanwhile Timmy and I were whisked off to the dancefloor for our first dance. We chose the song "Rest of my Life" By Unwritten Law as it makes up part of the soundtrack of our courtship. Everytime we hear the song we remember BBQ's up at Timmy's boys place, hanging out together for the first time, those nervous, giddy butterflies as we got to know each other. Without a doubt, that song makes us smile as we remember the innocence and purity of true love...not to mention it has a kicking beat. It's one of Timmy and my favourite songs forever, and it will always remind us of our uni days together. some of the most carefree and brilliant days of our lives!

Around halfway through the song, our bridal party joined us on the dancefloor. We'd asked them to save us, as Timmy and I were only capable of a giddy shuffling back and forth, while chucking in a couple of spins here and there

Our bridal party was capable of only the same, but once they hit the floor the attention was spread, and we were all giggling and enjoying ourselves so much that we forgot the room full of people watching [probably heckling too :P].
Dessert of the cake with cream was served and two of Timmy's groomsmen, Alex and Timmi, with another good mate of Tims, Dan pulled up a couple of the stools, grabbed their guitars and serenaded us all with some acoustic guitar accompanied with bass.

We were so impressed, they were absolutely amazing. Quite a few people took the opportunity to hit the dancefloor with a partner to take them for a twirl. I decided to grab my dad.
Funny thing is, Dad was sitting at the table with all his soccer boys [he doesn't have any family, so these boys play the role splpendidly. They love him like a brother and he loves and appreciates them more than I could ever do justice with my words] apparantly seconds before I walked over to ask my Dad to dance, he has been saying to his boys that there was no way he'd dance. They had asked "What if your daughter asks you?" to which he had responded "She's outta luck, coz I'm not dancing".

I love that he pretends to be tough, because really, he's such a softy, an absolute sucker for his kids. Needless to say pretty soon Dad and I were chuckling on the dancefloor. Dad makes me laugh like no one else, he continued to do so as he decided to be brave and attempt to spin me. Upon completion of the spin he responds "Ha! That was fun! Wanna try another one?"
Soon it was time for the throwing of the bouquet. The girls all shuffled together and there were quite a few, keen looking lasses at the front, with the 'not so keen' lingering to the side and back. katie was hiding at the back. I had joked that I was going to throw it right to her, but one look at my [nearly] 6 foot cousins blocking the front and I knew there was no hope. I actually thought I'd be lucky to even get it over them. Alas I did! It went straight into the middle of the group, a perfect throw.

Unbeknownst to katie, the other bridesmaids had conspired against her, to do all in their power to get the bouquet in her hands. It was battered around for a moment or two, with Jess W [bridesmaid] managing to hook it into katies direction. There was a moment once the bouquet had been caught, when the catcher seemed invisible. She stood, surrounded by a mass of excitable females, blocking the view of all onlookers. When suddenly the crowd of girls parted and there stood a bewildered and highly ammused Katie.

The Girls cleared the floor, a chair was pulled up for me and Timmy retrieved the garter. The boys, looking nowhere near as excited by the prospect of being next to marry, stood, backs against the wall, beer in hand, ready as they'd ever be.

Timmy, thinking that the garter was highly elasticised, attempted to flick it through the air, only to have it drop from his hand, about 2 feet in front of him. The boys stood, unmoved staring at the garter resting on the ground, backs still against the wall, beer in hand, goofey smiles on their faces, shaking their heads at Timmy and laughing as they screached "What the Hell was that?!!"

Timmy made a second attempt, only slightly better than the first, landing on matty 2's foot...it was decided that he was winner my default. To mum and dads horror, Matty 2 is Katies Boyfriend, they quickly declared that there was no rush and they needed at least 2 years to save some money again.
With all the formalities over, we spent the rest of the night mingling, drinking, dancing and enjoying the company of friends and family

I know that I didn't spend anywhere near as much time with anyone, as I wanted. But I guess it's the nature of having so many people together in one place. We had so much fun though. It was so wonderful to see all the people we love in the one room, it was something I've never felt before. This sort of overwhelmed sense of honour...I know some absoluetly amazing people. I consider myself incredibly loved and looked after.
As the night wore on, Fatigue started to kick in for Timmy and I, it had been a long day. The guests formed the farewell line and Timmy and I wandered up the line saying thankyou and goodbye to each and every person there. It was nice to be able to be sure we said a "see ya later alligator" to everyone. I was told later that it's suppose to be a quick thing, which Timmy demonstrated, but in true Braybrook style I wandered my way up the line leisurely, chatting with everyone and enjoying the opportunity. As Timmy tells it, he was waiting a good 15-20 minutes for me to finish the line...Whaaaa? :P I was enjoying myself, I love my people! :D

We skipped off into the night, up to our gorgeous hotel room, overlooking Wallis Lake. Timmy's mum, ruth and Jacinta had snuck out during the dancing to sprinkle the place with rose petals, and fill the room with candles. So by the time we got there, it was beautiful...I had tears in my eyes again!

The next day Timmy and I opted to jump out of bed early and head to church. Now that we're living in Melbourne, we don't have the opportunity to go to Lakeside COC anymore, and I miss it so much, it's a truely great church and we didn't want to miss our chance. We decided that there was no better way to spend our first day as husband and wife than sending some praise up to the big dude.
After Church we headed across to John Wright Park where we had organised to meet up with everyone, at a wedding recovery picnic

It was nice to be able to see everyone one last time before they headed back home. Lunch was had, laughs were plenty. After lunch we took everyone back to our hotel room, where we had a present opening. The loot was absolutely brilliant!! Our entire house it utterly catered for! Many Many Many thankyou's were said.
Most people left, so the final goodbyes for a while were said, as people jumped in their cars and began their long trips home.
We discovered that we had Austar, so Katie, matt2 and John hung around for an afternoon of lazy entertainment, before Timmy and I had to Skidaddle for Dinner with his folks.
On Tuesday we caught a plane back to Melbourne, spent Wednesday travelling and by Thursday began our Honeymoon in Apollo Bay. Beach was beautiful,
weather was horrible, company was brilliant. Plenty of 'no mercy monopoly' was played and relaxation and fun was the theme.
And so now, we're back to hum drum...but we're so happy!
I love being Tims wife and I’m determined to make him proud and be the best damn wife I can be. I know that marrying Tim was one of the greatest moments and best decisions of my life.
In my next post I’m looking forward to sharing some news with you all. :D And it involves the pitter-patter of tiny feet.
xoxo

untill then, enjoy some of our happy snaps from the day...

I Shall Post in More Detail Soon...

2007-10-08T22:09:00.000+10:00

Today being the 8th of October means that the 6th of October has indeed come and gone.
The wedding was fantastic, the weather was kind to us, everything ran smoothly, we mingled, we chatted, we ate, we laughed...but best of all Timmy and I are now officially married!!! :D Yay!

Dad walking me down...Marty helped to carry the train until I reached the carpet.

I absolutely love my girls, but I have been left to believe that my bridesmaids were not adequately informed of their duties :P ...more times than I can really count I was left attempting to juggle both bouquet and train while trying to clamber in and out of cars, while my maids stood having an old nanna chat about 10 metres away primping themselves, the hem of my dress slowly being covered in dirt. Thank goodness that I got hitched, as after that Timmy was a gem and wandered about holding my train, with his boys [the groomsmen] making better bridesmaids to me than my own, grabbing bottles of water, offering impromptu massages and helping to pick up my train. And what, I hear you ask, were my girls doing...well...standing in a little huddle having a nanna chat while primping themselves. :P
Eventually the train got dusted and pinned into the back of my dress leaving the girls free to nanna chat to their hearts content for the rest of the night :P no doubt at all that they did. It really was a great atmosphere for mingling. It was fun and tough work for Timmy and I, being the main event, as everyone wants a piece of you, and you desperately want to be able to get around and chat to everyone, while being aware of that feeling of a slow and steady descent of fatigue creeping up on you.

The day in total was a fun, fun day. It was just beautiful to be able to share it with our family and friends. I've included a couple of piccies which were taken by a dear friend of mine, Cathy. They're not the proffesional ones, infact I'm lead to believe that it will still be around a month till we see those. But for now, for those of you who are curious, I shall wet your appetite with these, while promising that I shall post more of the reception and so on as well as a much more thorough description of the day and it's events.
As for now?...well I'm off to snuggle up next to my husband and go to sleep ;) [I love being able to call him that :D].
xoxo

Hens Night

2007-10-03T11:58:00.000+10:00

Okay okay, so it's taken me ages to actually post these here. But about 3 weeks ago, kate and Rea flew down from Newcastle, into Melbourne where they met up with Cathy and myself for a bit of pirate themed madness.
Yes we all dressed as pirates and hit the town.

I think at one point while we were wandering down Sydney road, we all forgot that we were in costume, and as we were standing at the crossing, waiting for that allusive little green man to appear, we were suddenly made aware of everyone in their cars staring at us. So quickly getting back into character we proceeded to charge across the crossing, waving swords while creating great yells of "AARG Me Harties!!" much to the amusement of those watching, who showed their appreciation with cheers and a honking of horns.

To be perfectly honest we felt like utter celebrities for the night. We actually had a number of people come up and ask if they could get photo's with us, as if we were at dreamworld, dressed like Tweety Bird.
All in all it was an awesome night. Lots of Belly laughs and stories created.

Best part of the whole weekend though, [apart from the boys cooking for us the whole time] was sitting out in the backyard, on our picnic blankets having deep and meaningfuls and just utterly loving my girls!

....

3 days till the wedding!! WOOT!
Now I really am getting excited. I sat down and typed up my vows today, and I'm ready now. ready to do this. Marry my Tim and start our life.
Hmmm....
Can't wait till saturday :D

25 Smiles

2007-09-27T01:21:00.001+10:00

I wonder how people will start conversations with me once the wedding is all said and done.

As close as the wedding is, life goes beyond, and above, and around. I know how I enjoy the wedding planning, but I also enjoy forgetting it for a while and enjoying being Jess - pure and simple. It's almost sad that I feel as though I need to remind people of that sometimes.

I spent Tuesday night at Rob and Amy's with Kate, Matt and Kim. And it was utter bliss. Watching Doctor Who, enjoying it and actually catching myself with that gaping mouth that you get when you're really getting into something. But best of all, the senseless, often ridiculous, always thoroughly entertaining banter which carried on till well into the wee hours of the morning. Amy's stories of private school amused me no end and I must admit that I enjoy her company so thoroughly that it's devastating that I did not discover my fondness for her until After I move to Melbourne. But alas, I shall enjoy it for the time I am here in Forster, In fact I shall be enjoying the company of many an entertaining character at Kates weekly bible study at Rob and Amy's house tomorrow night. I have heard many a great word spoken about it, and so anticipate laughs and an enjoyable evening to be had. :)
As boring as life can sometimes be, its amazing the way people make life so much richer.
It is sweet at this moment, and I intend on enjoying the nectar as it flows.
I do hope that you are too.

10 Days Till Blast-Off!!

2007-09-27T00:40:00.000+10:00

I cannot believe that we are so close.
At this exact moment we are sitting, 10 days...yes I said DAYS away from Tim and my wedding and thank the Lord for that!!
Stress levels have been overall, good. Well managed. Well actually I had a momentary stress-fest for all of 10 minutes today while talking to Tim on the phone.
To be completely honest I'm not finding the load particularly difficult. I have returned to Forster, N.S.W., been here since Sunday with the intention of spending one week racing around like a mad thing finalising everything, and then spending the 2nd week, the lead-up to the wedding just relaxing and trying not to stress at all.
So far, so good. I have been racing around like a mad thing. Mum, Dad and Kate are at work, so I've found myself with very little, to no possibility of distraction and to be honest, enjoying the ability to potter off to see the florist, the photographer, the cake lady, and the reception manager Pete in the pre-organised times which suit me perfectly.
So why then the stress related blow-out today, I hear you ask. To risk sounding like a complete sap, it was because I was stuck talking to Tim on my mobile while knowing that he was sitting in his ute, stuck in Melbourne traffic over 1000 kms away and that there was no chance I would get to see him until thursday next week. Basically I miss him and to be perfectly honest, the reason I can be bothered with all the hoo-haa and fuss is because the prize is finally in sight...getting to start married life with my beautiful Tim.
10 days, can you believe it?! a week and a half and finally I'll be a married woman. But better than that, I'll be Tims wife!
Bec you asked what the wedding is going to look like. Without making the whole thing sound completely daggy, due to my inability to describe it the way it deserves [the photo's of the day will do a far greater job than my vocab ever will...don't worry, I'll post some ;) ]
In my opinion, it's going to be gorgeous. simple and uncluttered. Think; black lace; peacock feathers; blue iris's; accoustic guitar; self written vows; crystal glasses lit by tea candles. We've opted for classic elements with the hope that we'll look back in 10 years and still really love it.
I realise that I really haven't given much away. But I shall give you a hint of excitement and tell you to follow this link Here, click on the song "Forever". The song is gorgeous, now try to imagine it stripped back so that all that is left is an accoustic guitar and beautiful male voice for the whole song. Now try and imagine where on earth I would decide to use that ;)
All shall be revealed in less than 2 weeks. Oh I am cruel :P
For all of you who are planning weddings of your own, I do hope that it is all going splendidly, and that you have enjoyed it as thoroughly as I know I have.
Alas, I have a list of "to-do's" calling. I look forward to posting pics and filling you in on all the details.
You know what? I really am so excited, I cannot wait for the 6th of October to be here! Though more than that I cannot wait for Timmy and I to make it all official and start this wonderful, challenging and growing, once in a great lifetime experience, called marriage. I adore this incredible man of God, named Timothy. I love him and I choose to love him, for the rest of my life.

Back Again...

2007-08-04T20:06:00.000+10:00

I realised just how slack I had been in terms of blogging lately. Everything, life in general has been incredibly busy, and exciting and moving along so quickly that it's actually a good thing to stop for a moment and think.breath.enjoy.

Lets see.

Tim and I are counting down the days untill he moves into our first home! The plan is for him to move in this friday, and I shall follow after the wedding. Which come monday 6th is exactly 2 months away. We went over to see that place for the first time since Chris[the owner] had finished alot of the work he was doing to the place. Brand spanking new front deck and all the walls have a fresh coat of paint, the place looks positively amazing. I actually felt so close to tears, it's so beautiful and it's amazing that we will be calling it home. So blessed!

I've been getting regular casual work with the Autistic school and continue to feel challenged by the experience. I've been eyeing off a number of jobs beginning to be advertised for a 2008 start. Some applications have been sent and I'm waiting to hear back.

The furniture for the new house arrives on Friday, so the house will be beautifully furnished. What else can I really say, we have some incredible people, our parents who just keep on giving and giving and giving to the point that it blows our mind and we feel almost overwhelmed by the generosity and love.

Me and my king are going great guns as he just continues to challenge me through all aspects of my life; Discovering and deciding with Tim on our roles as future spouses - preparing to become one, while maintaininga healthy dose of independance from one another; continuing to build uplifting and encouraging friendships here in Melbourne; choosing a church home; chasing my life purpose and passions and just living in a way which is pleasing to him.

I feel really happy with life in general right now. I'm ready for the wedding to be here already, as I can't wait to be able to call Tim my gorgeous hunk of a husband and begin the next chapter of life as a married woman. I'm enjoying my work, enjoying the friendships which are continuing to grow from strength to strength, while also knowing that there are a heap of people I am yet to catch up with since I've been here in Melbourne. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing you, so if we haven't caught up and you want to, then please sent me a text, email or comment here and we'll have to get together...either way, I'll probably be getting into contact soon, if I pull my finger out and get to it.

The most recent event on my social agenda, was the girly night I spent with Cathy out at her place. Which basically involved, Princess crowns, bubbles, videos, fairy bread, face masks and lots of D&Ms and giddy-giggles. Twas fun to just chill and act like little kids again. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in what it takes to be grown up that it's too easy to become jaded and surly...when all we need is a moment remembering what it is to be a kid, in all it's creative glory, building sheet cubbies and believing with all we are that we truely are princesses.

Cathy and I headed out today to see "Shut Up & Sing" The documentary made about the Dixie Chicks to document their experience after the backlash of Natalie's [the lead singer] comment in regards to the War on Terror and George Bush. I was transfixed by this film and it has shot up to sit quite easily in my top 10 favourite movies. It shows them in a completely differnt light to everything I thought them to be. You see the many hats they wear in their lives which are far bigger than simply musicians and performers, but also loving mothers and wives and quite simply people living in a country which insists it promotes free speech yet shuns those who actually decide to use it. On a bit of a side note, the singing in this film is incredible and I now know I never gave them enough credit in regards to their voices, because the harmonies were quite literally giving me goosebumps!

I highly recommend you see this movie if you have a chance, It comes with my highest recommendation.

[if your in melbourne then word is it's only showing at one Cinema, Lygon Plaza on the corner of Lygon and Elgin Street, with Drummond street running down it's other side]

I hope that life is beautiful for you also, lets share prayers

xoxo

The Website

2007-06-28T16:41:00.000+10:00

Okay, so I'm pretty sure that I've spoken briefly of it before but dah der dah DAH!! here it is,
The wedding website for Jess & Tim.
Now "why would we need a wedding website?" I hear some of you say. The simple answer is, we've got a lot of family and friends travelling from right around Oz to be there and conveying all the directions, specific details and extra info to them is easier on the web than trying to cram the invite envelope full of extra pieces of paper. Plus we've added options like online RSVP [which has been an unquestionable fave] and Gift suggestions and confirmations all from the comfort of the good old computer chair. To add to all of that, the general consensus we've received from people has been that the website has made them feel more involved in the whole wedding experience by making the excitement extend beyond merely the big day.
The plan is to keep the site running after the wedding to include wedding pics, as well as keep all our family and friends updated on life together hitched.
Anyway take a squiz at the site and for all those who are preparing for their own big days, this idea comes highly recommended by none other than me! Your family and friends will love it!!

Keep Living Your Love

2007-06-18T01:32:00.000+10:00

A couple of days ago, I spent the day with a gorgeous friend of mine. Now when I say Gorgeous I mean in every way. Beautiful spirit, personality and achingly beautiful to the eye also. Now it was at the end of my time with her, after we had parted ways that the old lie began to creep up on me..."Look out Jess, how can you ever expect to be standing within the same league as her...I mean seriously!!..."

As the lies rattled around in my mind, I struggled and I struggled, my mood continued to sink and I could feel a sadness slowly creeping itself over me.

"...If you acted more like her, took on a personality like her, tried to look like her then you would be more beautiful...people would like you more...you'd like yourself more..."

And then I clicked. Something in my mind clicked. That part of myself that is choosing to love spoke up and silenced the wounding whisper,

"What good can you do by becoming a clone? Exactly how long do you honestly think you can keep up a charade? What are you giving to the world that isn't already here? Nothing!

If you want to be beautiful then be beautiful in your own right, be beautiful in who you are and what you have to give..."

I can feel the change taking a stronger hold in my life and I feel stronger and more in love with who I have been created to be. I want to offer my unique gifts and self to this world, I want to find what it is I can give. I want to continue to love what I have to offer while appreciating [not mimicing] the gifts that others can offer to this world. I want to look at the beauty of fellow women and be grateful that we're on the same team...The numbers and positions may be different, but we're all wearing the same jersey, it's time we started cheering each other on!

Put your key in the Lock

2007-06-18T01:18:00.000+10:00

Little keys that unlock big doors.

Please leave a key to a blog that you would like to share.
It can be to one of your own favorite posts,
or to another person's blog.
It can be to a book

or to a video.
You can show me the way to a poetry site that you like.
Or to something delcious (chocolate is always good.)
Or to a place of enchanting creativity!
Give a key that opens a door
that we might tag along and discover a new place through you.
Have fun!
Thank you very much for SHARING THE LOVE!

Love

2007-06-18T01:11:00.000+10:00

Take a pin.
On a strip of paper write the word 'love'.
One word, one gesture, can change the way...
Our smallest actions are worthy of greatness.

"How Can I Keep From Singing"

2007-06-18T00:50:00.000+10:00

I heard this song by Chris Tomlin tonight and I must say it was incredibly timely. Back at my old church in NSW, Rob [the musical genius] used to sing a cover of it and it used to make my heart soar, and very often brought tears to my eyes with the power and truth in it's words. I was reminded of its beauty in my life tonight. To hear it check it out here

As I wipe the smudged mascara from under my eyes, I can have a little chuckle. I'm sure God knew he'd be doing this to me tonight as I was deciding today whether to use the waterproof mascara or not, I'm sure he's giggling. It's been a good night, God is a truely amazing bloke!

How Can I Keep From Singing
By Chris Tomlin
There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring
And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling
How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing
I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives
And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give
I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

The Table Set Before Us...

2007-05-31T18:04:00.000+10:00

Are you comfortable with yourself...are you enjoying the feast?

Each day the door opens to who we are. Our hand leads the way, with a beating heart it greets us generously! A like mind speaks our language telling us many tales wrapped up in wisdom.
Surrounded by what we know to be true, we sit in the soul of the matter taking a taste. Light and darkness seem to intermingle; our eyes do adjust! Two feet begin a journey we have seen many times in our dreams, like a distant aroma it stirs our senses to a memory we know and long to follow.
This moment is a gift, even if I do not like the pattern on the dish, or the food being served, even if the candle isn't lit or if the music is too loud. I believe there is a feast of holiness on the table set before us.

I plan on enjoying it, and you?

Released...

2007-05-31T16:58:00.000+10:00

I was quite literally welling-up big time around nowish, yesterday, after chatting with Tim on the mobile. I just continue to feel overwhelmed and moved by the genorsity of those in my life, and now our life as Tim and I continue to prepare for the wedding.

Obviously I feel touched and blessed by the obvious support of family and friends in the preperation of all things wedding and life thereafter, but it is the unexpected and suprising support which has moved me beyond words.

Right this moment as I type this I feel as though I'm verbally blundering my way to my point, but I feel utterly scattered. My emotions are flooding me and I just feel so light, so joyful.

Tim and I were looking a number of pending loans in the face, paying them off as best we could, working on our savings. Generally the loans were Uni based and of the parental variety which we were hoping to have paid off, if not before the wedding, then not long after.

Today Tims father blew us away with the news, that as our wedding gift he was going to nullify the loan outstanding to Tim and add to the mix some money to be put towards our honeymoon.

When Tim had told me, I was unashamedly speechless, his father was so humble as he stated, "Really it's not a huge deal, it was a $2000 loan, consider it gone"

But as I voiced to Tim, what he had offered was so much more than money, it was so much more than simply wiping a 2000 dollar loan, what it represented was a relief of burden. He was offering us a simply start to our life as husband and wife. No doubt that we will have financial ups and downs right throughout our life together, but it feels like such an incredible blessing.

My own parents are also blessing us incredibly both monetarily and emotionally. They have put so much into not only the wedding, but the beginnings of our life, they have poured blessings into our future home through furniture and love.

Tim and I are so grateful for so much, we are incredibly, incredibly blessed.

To anyone reading this right now, it must be blatantly obvious how flustered I still am, because I'm repeating the same words...obviously my vocab doesn't handle the shocks of blessing as well as I would hope...but I just feel, So humbled by everything, by the support and the love of those around us.

We are looked after, and I just adore you all!

I do not know what else I can say, but from the bottom of my heart thankyou, and I love you!

-Jess

Self Love

2007-05-29T21:45:00.000+10:00

I spent Sunday afternoon hanging around with my Tim. As we pottered our way up the street to find something for lunch, we were chatting lightly about the week, brushing softly on the happenings. By the time we had wandered our way back to Tims flat we were well and truely into the deeper issues of our week.
Societies place for me as a woman is something which I will wrestle with my entire life, I do not doubt that for a second. However, what is changing in me is my thoughts, my opinions when it comes to what is said of me as a women.
I sort of got to the point when I was talking to Tim that I realised I was standing on my soap box a little bit, but he humoured me and listened intently, and even threw some encouragement and questions my way, which stirred me, in order to help the conversation remain two sided and not simply a preach.

I've been thinking about this for a while. Not constantly, but it always seems to find a place to linger, at least at the back of my mind. However, after this weekend it really has come to the forefront again.

As a woman I believe that I have accepted a lie as truth for far to long.
We as women are the absolute best at personally ridiculing ourselves. We pick and we pick and we pick at ourselves more than anyone else we come across in this life. We have accepted a lie, which has been manufactured and marketed by cosmetics and clothing companies, the fashion industry as a general whole. The lie reads;
"If you love yourself then your stuck-up. There has to be something wrong with you, take a look, there's no way you could possibly be the way that your meant to be. You must always have something to wish you could change"
it's so obvious why the lie has been invented, because once we hear the whisper of the lie, it's quickly followed with a; "You should buy this product, it will fill that void in you, it will make you happy, it will make you finally feel happy with yourself"

It's interesting how naturally we as women are ready to pull ourselves down. Tim pointed this out to me while I was mid way through my rave.
"Jess, I totally agree with you, the attitude does need to change, but it only can if people start to change. Do you realise how many times I've tried to give you a compliment and you've scoffed or you've pointed out something about yourself which you don't like..."
He's right, he's absolutely right.
I need to begin to change my thought cycle. I need to give myself a break and begin to focus less on what I think I should be, and more on what I am, what I have to work with and loving it.

When I picked Kate and Rea up from the airport we had this incredible conversation in the car, about this very topic.
It was during this chat that I realised how female understanding of self love is warped, it's confussed so easily with snobbishness. I don't think that i could put it any better than Kate said it herself;
"...Theres a difference between loving yourself and being stuck up. If you're stuck up, then you carry an attitude of 'I'm pretty wonderful, I want everyone to know it, and know that it makes me better than them'. Whereas an attitude of self love is being able to look at yourself and say 'I may not be perfect but I'm happy with what I've got, I'm going to continue to be the best I can be and I want to share the best I've got with others..."

Timmy's helping to keep me accountable to 'The Change'. Helping me to Focus on God to reach inside and stir up some attitudes and habits which have been hanging around for far too long, while outwardly focussing on giving myself a break, accepting a compliment and projecting this fresh attitude further. By taking on a healthy attitude of self love, I do believe that it, in some small way encourages other women to give themselves permission to love what they've got, and hopefully continue to project that on to the people around them. I may be getting completely carried away, but I do believe that when we are loving in a full and healthy way then there comes this God-given desire to push it outward, push it further than merely ourselves, and begin to really touch and bless those around us.

Love yourself ladies. It's not about thinking your perfect [coz none of us ever will be] it's about realising that no amount of makeup, clothing, jewellery, money, boyfriends, friends or whatever the lie is telling you to consume, is ever going to fill that void. I believe that only once we begin to love ourselves and give one another as women, permission to love ourselves - then we begin to break down this vicious wall of masked self destruction which has been built-up for far too long.

As consumers we are taught to speak like this, look like that, be interested in these things and you'll be a vibrant and attractive person.
But you were created unique, you were created to be like no other, similar sometimes maybe, but never exactly the same. Only once you give yourself permission to be the person who comes naturally only to you, will you truely step into a self which is truely dynamic and vibrant and beautiful and magnetic to all those around you. Because finally...finally after all this time spent hiding you now look so honestly comfortable in your own skin.

Shine beautiful woman...all it takes is to give permission to yourself. You deserve it, and I honestly hope that you're beginning to believe, see, feel and understand that!
I love you!

I can't get enough of...?

2007-05-27T23:53:00.000+10:00

Right now, here are some of the things I'm loving!

Brooke Frasers new Album 'Abertine' ...Fantastic! I can't stop listening to it

Wonka, Nerds...mmmm

Chunky Knit Scarves

Boots

The new Pirates of the Caribbean, Number 3.

....

Speaking of Pirates, and another thing I'm loving.

I'm loving that I WILL be having a bit of a shin-dig for my hens night come september. With the theme of Pirates - fancy dress and a bit of a treasure hunt. My Maid of Honour, aka Katie has it under control...I'm pretty Excited!

I was tossing up whether or not to have one, and I know alot of up-and-coming brides who have opted against it, but after some consideration I've decided that since I'm only going to be getting married once I really want to do it all. Get the whole experience[minus the strippers]. Plus I'm sure I'm not the only one who loves the idea of any excuse to get all of my girls together in the one place for some laughs and good times... So Hens night here I come!

Best of Times...

2007-05-27T23:07:00.000+10:00

Tim really is such a valuable thing...Time with the ones you love is even more priceless.

It has been a crazy ole' weekend.

Wednesday afternoon I popped over to Tullarmarine airport to pick up Rea and Katie, who were heading into Melbourne mid week, as Rea was heading on over to Virgin Blue Air Hostess interviews, Kate was tagging along as a cheerleader and I suspect for a bit of a kick back and relax with her biggest fan...me!

So I pottered my way over to the airport at about 2pm, grabbed myself a park and proceeded to hunt around the baggage carousel, looking for the raggamuffins. 20 minutes and 3 phonecalls later we were finally hugging and wandering towards the car park.

I had stupidly made the assumption that they were flying Jetstar. I had been unable to talk to Katie the night before, so was rellying on the information being relayed through Tim. We always seem to fly Jetstar, and since nothing had been said to the contrary I was left to believe, this visit would be no different. The frustration of not finding each other for so long, proved I really should always ask!!

The next 3 days were spent, pottering between Tims place in the city and my Aunty Jans place in Keilor.

Unfortunately Rea didn't get the air hostess job she was interviewing for - to say she was devastated, would be an understatement. When Kate and I headed over to pick her up, straight after she'd found out, the mood in the car was icy-cold. Kate and I were giving each other this look of "What do we do?!" and trying to keep the conversation light, without being completely insensitive to Rea's dissapointment.

Rea simply didn't want to talk about it, refused to speak at all - we could understand that she was really upset, we knew how much she wanted it, but we were getting really worried that bottling it up and spending the rest of the trip feeling the burden of not getting it, wasn't healthy either. After close to an hour, we ended up just laying it out there, and letting her know that we could see how upset she was by it all, and that we were both sitting there racking our brains trying to work out what we could do to cheer her up without annoying the bejeebers out of her. The mood lightened and pretty soon we found ourselves at the shops, engaging in some retail therapy.

Friday night saw us heading out to the Hawthorn, and after an incredibly long winded finale of 'Rock, Paper & Scissors" hitting the dancefloor. Kate managed to find herself near a bloke who spent the entire time behind her, checking out her kaboose. Perhaps we're getting old, but by about 12am we were all ready to get going. The music was pretty ordinary, but being played way too loud. So off we wandered, back to Aunty Jans. Everyone fell into bed by about 2am. Thinking we were about to do the same, Katie and I were in our Jammies and ready to call it a night, when [I'm not sure exactly how it happened] 4:30am rolled around and we were both still up chatting. I miss Katie alot when she's not around.

I miss her even more now that she's back in NSW.

It's funny how you can forget to miss someone, but then when your with them you suddenly realise that your lacking. I felt that as I sat and chatted with Kate on Friday night - there she was, right in front of me, in the flesh and as wonderful and beautiful and amazing as ever, and I just really really missed her. It's tough being so far apart. I will never love a friend more than I love her. She will always be a part of my life and she will always have one of the deepest and most treasured parts of me.

She is incredible and I thank God for every person who has the blessing of knowing her and loving her. She changes people with her joy, with her heart, her love. Both Katie and Rea do. I know that I'm so blessed to have them.

It's seems so incredibly cheesy to say, but we truely are and always will be, Best friends forever.

A New Colour, For A New Season

2007-05-21T19:52:00.000+10:00

Having bored of the black, I've changed my hair colour [yet again] in persuit of something 'a little more natural'

But alas, I shall blab no longer and instead let the pictures speak for themselves. Opinions/verdicts are welcome.

The Cold Season

2007-05-21T19:22:00.000+10:00

I made a couple of new best friends over the weekend.

...

Since I've started working casually for the Western Autistic School, as an emergency teacher I find myself waking at 7am every single morning. On a normal weekday I can expect a 7:15am wake-up call from Jaqueline if I am needed for the day. My body clock has adjusted and I now find myself lying awake from 7am onwards waiting expectantly for a call. Friday just gone was no exception, I awoke and lay in bed waiting. and Waited, and waited. Alas no call came. Almost joyfully I rolled back over to snuggle back into bed.

I had awoken that morning with a horrible dose of the cold which is being spread like wildfire through every primary school. Kids are constantly coughing and spluttering throughout winter, so really, it's only a matter of time until us teachers manage to catch the attention of a loose germy.

So here I was, feeling sick as a dog when I get a call from Tim. Having heard that I didn't get a call he asked whether I would be able to take his ute out and pick up the pushbikes.

About a fortnight ago, Mum had sent our bikes down with a courier company. They had arrived, we just hadn't had a chance to pick them up. I decided that as sick as I felt, this really was the only opportunity we could have for a while. So I decided to brave it and head over to Tims, pick up his ute and then try and navigate my way across to get the bikes.

First mistake: having decided their was no way I could manage the day without a couple of cold & Flu tablets, I had read the box which said that they were non-drowsy, only to have swallowed the tablets and then read, "May cause some individuals to feel drowsy" - Turns out I was one such individual...Though I didn't actually find that out until I was over in Richmond, in Tims ute, trying to find the blasted Courier company.

Second mistake: I had forgotten my Melways, which meant I was rellying on a printed out 'Whereis" set of directions, which turned out to be useless [or perhaps it was my grogginess which made them so ;)]

Anyway, to cut a long story shorter. After driving around for about an hour, feeling frustrated and annoyed and as though I could konk it any second, I headed back to Tims work. I had every intention of telling him I couldn't do it today. But once I got there, the medication, pain and [where the heck did it come from] emotion got the better of me, and I ended up having a good blubber on his shoulder. After humouring me with some consolling, he handed me his flat keys and sent me to nap at his place for the afternoon.

And so, I spent friday afternoon, snoozing the sinus pain away, with my 3 new besties, perhaps you know them;

Sudafed; Vicks and Kleenex

Before waking up to the flash bulb of a camera.

I'm still fighting off the cold as we speak, having woken with very little voice this morning. But I'm definitely winning, and feeling a heck of a lot better.

One word of warning however. In your rush to hit yourself up with the good ole vitamin C, take my advice and believe me when I say, too much of a good thing may just have you running for the loo. So take it easy ;)

Spunky strikes again! [it's a hit and a win!]

2007-05-15T16:08:00.000+10:00

Life has been pretty full on lately. I'm working nearly everyday and living so far from Tim, means that we don't have a chance to see each other until the weekends roll around [finally].
But I really have to say it. I have the most wonderful and beautiful man in my life.
Tim rang me at lunch time to ask whether I wanted him to buy a will kit for the two of us...morbid! Apparantly a few fellas in his office were buying some and if they bought them in bulk they not only saved money in postage, but saved off the total cost. I gave the thumbs up- as it would mean one less thing to have to do later.
I have just had one doozie of a day. I was working at the Austistic School in Niddrie and I don't know whether it was the wind or the rain [trust me, they make a huge difference in kids behaviour] but the kids were feral, and my day was frustrating and painful [in the headache sense] When Tim had rung, so as not to come across a complete sook and winger Ididn't let on how gross it had been, but instead chose the eloquent phrase "I've had better, but I'll survive"

Anywhoo, to cut a long story short I received a phonecall from Tim half an hour after I finished work, I was just pulling into the driveway and he was asking if I had anything organised for dinner. I responded with a no, as it was Aunty Jans night to cook, but as she had a church meeting tonight, it was every man for himself.
Apparantly Timmy had been incredibly tuned in when he had chatted to me, and realised that my day was far crappier than I'd let on, and had therefore decided that I deserved some of the healing qualities of his presence and was on his way out with Chinese.

I'm going to blame my dodgy day and sore head, but I fair nearly cried. It was such a beautiful and needed gesture!

He's managed to turn an icky day into one which will end in smiles.

We've been doing a lot of work on our relationship, especially lately. Being so far apart and seeing so little of each other during the week, has meant that we're developing better time management, meaning that we've been trying to spend our time together in meaningful and productive ways. Now that doesn't mean that we never just chill out together, in fact most of the time we spend together, IS just hanging out, but we're less 'beat around the bush' in our communication, we say what we mean, and mean what we say. We're listening to each other better, listening to each others needs and really making an effort to communicate effectively. Our relationship just keeps going up and up.
We're in a really great place, and we're looking forward to getting to even better places. We realise it's not always easy, and we know that from experience. We've seen some pretty horrible places, but we've moved on from them, we've pushed our way through them all. We both made an agreement together and individually that "We WILL make this work" and that, I believe, makes all the difference.
Just keep on swimming, keep on caring and sharing and loving. Keep on respecting.
Love is such a beautiful thing.

I see the light!

2007-05-03T17:46:00.000+10:00

The Wedding preps are beginning to fade into oblivion.

The wedding is all but completely planned.

All that is left to do is,

send out the invitation

Buy some respectable undergarments

and...

well I was sure there was another 'and'...there probably is, but I've momentarily forgotten. If there is one thing that I have learnt, it is that there is always something else which pops up along the way. Tim and I are naturally fairly flexible people, so the little hiccups have remained that, take a breath and we move on.

Got a phone call from mum today and we went through everything, in the hope that we can pin-point anything which is still sitting on the 'to do' list. The list is all but non-existant.

Date: 6th of October, 2007

Ceremony at: The Green Cathedral, With my Pastor Daryll to make it all official and The Musical genius Rob doing the muso stuff [I have no doubt that he's going to bring something truely beautiful to the day! apart from Amy I'm sure he'll bring some beautiful music too ;) ]

Reception to follow @: The Wharf Bar and Grill.

Basic theme: Arty Vintage

Nervous Breakdowns: 0...woohoo [I have the best support and organisation commitee, aka my gorgeous mum and sister katie, as well as the manager of The wharf Bar and Grill - Mary Anne - She's fantastic, they have utterly eliminated anything stressful!]

I popped online while I was home and was able to purchase an extra 100 peacock feathers, as well as 5 white peacock feathers [who knew there was such a thing as an albino peacock?! I do now!] The white ones will be going in my bouquet and Tims button hole. The bridesmaids will be wearing the normal peacock feathers in their hair as part of the hair pieces I have created, the groomsmen will be wearing normal peacock feathers in their buttonholes as well.

I decided to go with white peacock feathers for me, after Katie pointed out, "Seriously Jess, when else in your life can you ever wear ALL white and not look the fool?!!" the girl makes a great point, so the plan is that I'll be wearing white head-to-toe, bar any part of me [of course ;)]

In total, last count Mum and Dads place is being overrun by; over 500 peacock feathers; [ we managed to pick up 400 of them free, from the lady who looks after our dogs, what a blessing!!] 10 large 1/2 metre high glass vases, 4 sets of bridesmaids dresses, shoes, hairpieces and jewellry; a wedding gown[not to mention all the bits and pieces which go with it]; 20 metres of black lace table runners; 25 metres of heshin[sp?] to be used as a aisle runner at the ceremony[we were offered a $50 red aisle runner for the wedding, but opted for something, not only cheaper, but less clashing with the natural elements of the Green Cathedral]; 8 boxes of tea candles & shells in glass jars; 10 mirrors; a mass of ribbon, gold wire and yet more tea candles; and one incredibly excited family counting down the days till the wedding.

It is exciting and I have no doubt that everything is going to come together beautifully. We have a lot of support and love, with a tonne of people offering their help with any preps and organisations.

I honestly feel as though we've been able to make our money work for us, and we've been able to get something that we really adore and are going to cherish for years and years and years to come.

I read, that the average Australian wedding costs $28,000. I've just organised mine for $8,000 total - yep thats EVERYTHING!. Not bad, not bad at all! And we were told SO many times that it wouldn't be possible. I guess when you see the photos after the day you will be the judge of whether or not we spent our money wisely.

....

In other news I have had absolutely no reason to even attempt to get Casual work at any other school. Thus far this week, I have worked 4/4 days, with Tomorrow making it 5 for the week. Fantastic. I'm looking at $250 a day for a casual teacher. not bad money at all!

I've been told that I shouldn't expect my work load to drop for a while yet, as we're entering flu season and the school is in constant demand for casual teachers.

All I can say is God truely answers prayers and in all honesty, he has given me so much more than I even asked. I was hoping for 2 maybe 3 days work a week, and he goes and gives me 5. Fan-freaking-tastic!!!

lets chat soon!

Confetti!

2007-04-30T16:43:00.000+10:00

I had the pleasure of watching 'Confetti' on the weekend.
Filmed as a mockumentary with the storyline revolving around a wedding magazine who embark on a competition for engaged couples to plan and undertake the most unique wedding. 3 couples are chosen; Matt (Martin Freeman) and Sam (Jessica Stevenson) want a Hollywood musical style, Josef (Stephen Mangan) and Isabelle (Meredith MacNeill) vie for a tennis theme, while Michael (Robert Webb) and Joanna (Olivia Colman) are "naturalists" and want their nuptials to be done in the nude. Trying to wrangle these three desparate couples into some kind of order are wedding planners Archie Heron (Vincent Franklin) and Gregory Hough (Jason Watkins) ...

Timmy and I watched it as a laugh, and were able to say without a doubt, that we are incredibly happy with the way our wedding shall be, the movie did not inspire us to reach for anything more unique :P

But I highly recommend it, There is so much chaos leading up to the big day, but at the end of it, I actually thought that all the weddings were incredibly entertaining, bliss to watch, with some of them even verging on beautiful.

...

My next wedded installment is to get my hands on the DVD series of 'Bridezillas' - I was motivated by Timmy's comment that i really haven't been stressed about the wedding at all, and he believes that most women probably handle themselves the same. He was telling me that if women are in love then they should be happy right and they'd just be happy to be marrying the man they love, that he's yet to meet a psycho bride to be and in fact, that he was beginning to believe they don't exsist. I had to hug him so hard coz he was just so adorably cute... in a naive sort of way...
So the plan is to use the "Bridezillas" to not only entertain myself, but prove to my dearly beloved that psychotic-wedding-day-perfection-hunters do exsist and that he's so incredibly blessed that I'm not one of them :P thus encouraging him to ravish me with attention and gifts because he's just so glad to have me...obviously my reasons are highly honourable and I'm doing it for his own good, to elleviate any naivity he may have and there is absolutely nothing in it for me, other than some DVD entertainment because...well I'm such a wonderful person and really can't help it...but of course :P

Oh I'm so full of it, I know!The DVD should be a hoot none the less, if only because I can't believe anyone can be so angry about a wedding!

My God of Kindness...

2007-04-26T18:48:00.000+10:00

So I wandered back online after my couple of days too-busy-to-get-on with the intention of sharing some exciting news in my life, only to discover that i have been trumped big time by Bec with news of her engagement. Reading about it was enough to bring tears to my eyes. Two people so desperately in love is enough to leave anyone around them feeling smitten, it's beautiful and I want to wish every happiness and blessing to them both. Congrats Bec and Geoff!

So back to my exciting news, which somewhat pales in comparison [thanks alot Bec! :P ]
Today I worked, yes I said it...worked, my very first day at "Western Autism School" in Niddrie, just one suburb over from Aunty Jans place, where I'm staying - so we're looking at approx 10 minute drive to get there, not bad, not bad at all.

It's not a permanent position, at the moment I'm just doing CRT teaching, which for all you New South Whelshmen/women translates to Casual Relief Teaching.
But Just working this one day has boosted my self esteem through the roof. I was at the point where I was utterly itching to be working and now, finally I find myself in the position that I actually am.
The only pitfall of being a casual is that I can't gurantee how much work i will get, I only find out the morning I'm set to begin, with a 7am wakeup call. If I don't hear anything by 8am then I know I can sleep in that day.
But the positives are great. No lesson planning, no staff meetings, I leave when the kids do and all the staff at the school are fantastic and friendly, it's great!

So this won't be a long rambling post, just a quick one to fill you in, and to say a huge thankyou to you for your prayers and your encouragement. Ideally I'm still looking for something more permanent, but for now I'm just so glad to be doing something, and making some money, it's Fantastic. God's looking after me thats for sure.
I pray that he's looking after you too.
Lets share prayers :)

Dust yourself off & get back on

2007-04-20T00:50:00.000+10:00

We all know the story of David [1 samuel]

It's been the topic of a million sermons, a million bible studies. I'm sure that we've all heard his tale told to remind us to be vigulent in regards to sexual temptation, but tonight I was reminded of Davids tale by 'Sons of Korah' and utterly captivated and inspired to be like David.

Now don't freak out people, I'm not planning on doing the dirty with someone else's husband, but rather, what I have been inspired by is Davids actions after his devastation, the price of his sin.

For anyone who may need reminding of the whole story, heres my summarised version.

David was King, God had shown great favour and blessed him incredibly by placing him on the throne. Usually David headed off to battle with his army, but one day when the rest of the army was getting kitted up and set to ride off to victory, David decided he was pretty knackered and could use a bit of a sleep in. So the rest of the army heads off and David stays home. After a leisurely sleep in, he decides to go for a bit of a stroll around on the rooftop to get some fresh air and warm himself in the sun.

As he wanders out and begins to look over his kingdom, he notices, on a nearby rooftop, a beautiful woman bathing. Now this woman wasn't just nice looking, we're talking drop-dead gorgeous!

David decides that he wants to have her, he must have her...

Being the king, he is met with very little argument, and upon investigation he discovers she's married to one of the men inlisted in his Army. Wanting to have Bathsheba completely to himself, he decides to use his influence to get rid of her husband, he orders him to the front lines of battle, and pretty soon he's dead - just as David planned.

David has avoided his God, and with it, he feels as though he is falling apart.

One day his friend Nathan arrives and hits David with some pretty full-on truths. David starts seeing the error of his ways- big time! He confesses his sin to God and is granted forgiveness.

But there is a price, Davids sin had caused the enemies of God to show utter disdain, through his actions, David had despised his God. So God strikes the child with sickness. David strips down to a sackcloth and spends the next 7 nights pleading with God for the life of his child.

On the 7th day the child dies.

David is told of the childs death, he picks himself up off the floor of his home, he goes and he splashes his face with water, he changes his clothes, he walks into the house of God and he worships his Lord.

In my opinion this is one of the most amazing stories told in the bible, and it is here, at the conclusion that I am able to say "I want to be like David".

Yes I screw up, yes I get it really really wrong at times. Sometimes I allow my sin to seperate me from God, and in my pride I allow myself to believe that I can float along seperated from him and not feel the pain of that space in between us.

Till I give it up and realise that I need him, so desperately in my life.

But perhaps the even bigger stirring Davids tale created in me, came in his reaction to the death of his son. He begged God not to take him, and his son was taken anyway. David didn't get snotty, he didn't get angry, he didn't reject God. No. He took a deep breath, he prepared himself, picked himself back up and worshipped his God. No wonder God called this guy "A man after my own heart".

I want to be so desperate to serve God in complete faith and love, that even when things don't go the way I want, even when I don't get what I really, really want. I'm able to pick myself up, dust myself off, without anger or disdain, and continue to step out in worship and service to my king - knowing that he has never sold me short, never given me less and that he continues to love me and guide me, in his truth.

I want to live for my Gods way, and continue to lay down my own.

I want to be cheerful through every stage and phase of this life.

Because I am loved and I am watched over. I can trust his word. For his word is truth.

p.s. I recently read a story about Darlene Zchech in which she told of visting her doctor one day while she was pregnant, only to discover that she had miscarried, in her grief as she drove home she felt God calling her to sing, to sing in worship to him. And she did.

This heart of worship is not an outdated concept. Let the heart of David be an attitude we continue to embrace, today.

Timmi comes to town.

2007-04-18T14:48:00.000+10:00

I can get really slack when it comes to my blog postings sometimes...

I can also get really slack about catching up with people, now that I'm here in Melbourne. I was thinking about it the other day, and I really haven't seen anyone yet. So mush of my time since I've been here, has been wrapped up in the job hunt during the week and then heading into the city to catch up with Tim on the weekends. I shall have to pull my finger out and get in contact with some Melbournians and do the catch-up thing.

Last weekend was ever so exciting however, a touch of the 'good ole days' came to stay for the weekend.

Timmi, made the treck, first driving from Armidale to Newcastle, then catching a flight from Newie to Melbs.

It was so great to have him here for the weekend.

On friday night, the original plan was to head over to the Corner Hotel for the Blindside gig. My timmy having told us that he knew just where to go, only to get lost and potter about all over the show. By the time we actually managed to find the place, all of us had pretty much lost our enthusiasm and decided to grab a slab of beer and head back to Tims place in Kew. These Melbournians don't know half of the good beers going, with the guys in the bottle shop looking utterly perplexed when we asked them about carlton draught...the carlton brewerly is just down the street!! So we settled for carlton black.

Timmi and I were sitting around in the loungeroom while My Tim got changed and started reading the description on the back of the blacks label, only to realise that it mentions that it's a mocha tasting beer...and whatta ya know, when we took a sip after that, for the first time ever we both actually noticed it!

You live, you learn.

After a while Leah [Tims new flatmate] came wandering out and told us that rather than staying in, we should head out to one of the pubs in Hawthorn, she pointed us in the direction of 'The Hawthorn' and off we trotted.

3 people don't fit across a footpath very well, as we learnt during the short walk to the pub. The boys were fine, but it was me who copped mouthfulls of leaves as the shrubs which lined the left hand side of the path would smack me in the face. But 15 minutes and 16 mouthfulls of leaves later, we arrived and wandered in.

Our initial thoughts, "They must not check ID because everyone looks 12" Obviously this was the trndy spot for 18 year olds set to test out those ID's. But we settled ourselves in and headed out to the beer garden, and after about 20 minutes they closed it and ushered us all inside.

The night was spent in ammusing conversation as the three of us caught up on life and made fun of one another, And taking it in turns to buy rounds. Our lame joke of the evening came in the form of continuing to order schooners of beer, even though the state of victoria doesn't seem to know what a schooner is...what an odd state this is! the perplexed expression from whoever was serving at the bar, continued to ammuse us all night.

Pretty soon Kareoke started and to the boys horror, a bloke wandered up to sing "MMM Bop" by Hanson. To add even more horror to their evening I admitted to once being convinced that I was to marry Taylor Hanson. I used to wear the Hanson ring and everything...they wandered away and refused to come near me, for heck knows how long. So I embraced the opportunity to sing loudly along to the brain-sticking lyrics of MMM Bop.

At about 1-2 am the Hawthorn closed and we all wandered home.

The rest of the weekend was laid back and fun. Timmi was out most of the day, as he was in town mainly for a RPM training course at Fitness First.

But I had the pleasure of a Deep and meaningful with the lad on Sunday night, and enjoyed it thoroughly. He's a great guy, incredibly complex with so many elements which made him difficult, at times to read. Made me appreciate knowing my Timmy so well. I love what I know, I love who he is.

Drove Timmi to the Airport on Monday and it was pretty sad to have to say goodbye. I think he's that close to packing up and moving to Melbourne. It's pretty obvious that the two Tims really miss having each other around.

But all in all it was a great weekend...

Next weekend...Well I'm thinking that I'll be taking my boy over to St Kilda, he still hasn't been, so a lazy afternoon, strolling around sounds like a good day to me.

The Egg Hunt

2007-04-12T01:58:00.000+10:00

Like a bunch of giddy children we absolutely obliterated our way through the house in search of our chocolate rewards - each milky find only upping the already sky-rocketing sugar levels to psychotic proportions...

Okay, so I'm over-exagerating slightly, but this year the Easter Bunny came in the shape of my Aunty Jan.

Tim and I had spend the early morning of Easter sunday, meeting up with his brother Jeff and Jeffs girlfriend Ruth as we tooled around in Queen Vic Markets. After a leisurely stroll about the place, we pottered over to a cafe and grabbed some warm drinks and enjoyed a good chat, before leaving the city to head back over to Aunty Jans place for lunch.

It was fantastic to see Jeff and Ruth while they popped into Melbourne for a romantic weekend away.

But alas, we were heading back to Aunty Jans near bouncing with anticipation.

Aunty Jan had hidden 50 mini-solid eggs, 14 medium sized eggs and 1 large egg per hunter [6 large eggs in total] all these eggs were scattered in all nooks and crannies of the house just waiting to be grabbed and scoffed just as soon as Ash and Norma would arrive so we could start.

It was a funny business as we all pottered around the house waiting for the final two hunters, in the days event, to arrive. We were all pretending that we had forgotten all about the hunt, while, as sneekily as possible squizzing around the whole room trying to spot eggs.

Finally Ash and Norma arrived, at around 3o'clock. And the mob of us gathered in the kitchen.

The Hunters Were;

Manda

Norma

Gav

Tim

Ash

& Me

Aunty Jan gave us the rules as we all played up stretching and limbering up before the big race. All eggs were free for all, except the one big egg for each hunter. If you found someone elses egg then you had to leave it where it was and not say a word - Ash mimed smashing the eggs of anyone else he found...I decided that if I eventually got to my egg and found it in a rubble of smitherines, I would know that Ash had arrived there first :P

Aunty Jan went on and on and on an on for what seemed like forever with the rules, to the point that the masses were starting to rebel "...Come on wouldcha! we want our choccy..."

in a fit of laughter Aunty Jan finally yelled "Go!" accompanied by a boisterous waving of the arms.

Everyone shot off in all directions, straight to the spots where they had managed to snoop out the eggs earlier in the day. The chaos was hilarious! who knew that a bunch of...well come to think of it, Adults [not one of us was under 21] could get so excited about easter eggs hidden around a house.

It was the best fun I've had in a long time. Once the egg hunt was over the after pottered along lazily beginning with a BBQ, then some Telly and napping in the sun, stuffed like piglets. At about 8pm Aunty Jan pulled out the Scattergories and we ended the night listening to Gavs ammusing attempts at scoring doubles with ridiculous alliteration. The real star of the show however was my Tim, one day I swear I'll beat him!

So all in all, it was a fantastic Easter. As Tim and I had driven out to see his brother earlier in the day we had prayed that God would stir in us a very personal understanding and gratefulness for what this day meant, and as we ended the evening, we both felt it right down deep.

Christs sacrifice was about communion and relationship, he gave up his life so that we could know and understand relationship with God...today Christ revealed, yet again, the joy of communion, relationship and just a tonne of fun, with our families.

And as far as I'm concerned, thats no coincidence, after all, he's called us to be his friends...to be his family.

What a truely beautiful easter indeed!

Moving House

2007-04-11T23:20:00.000+10:00

I decided that it was time I shared some of the happenings of life in Melbourne.

I'm still on the job hunt and still optomistic. So I won't over think the situation, once school holidays are over I'll be a lot clearer of some of my possible prospects. More news to come I'm sure.

In other news I spent the day helping Tim move from his old share flat in Abbotsford, into his new share flat in Kew.

Tim was sharing a flat with Leigh and Alanna and things were pretty dandy, I had gotten the distinct impression that something wasn't quite right about the araangements, which I shared with Tim pretty early on, he could see where I was coming from and did agree, but there was no point rocking the boat.
It was an even split. Tim paid half the bond and half the rent and then they split the bills 3 ways. All was pretty dandy untill about a month ago.
Leigh and Alanna both play in bands, so it was pretty normal for them to be out gigging most weekends and getting in late, Tim had no problem with it, until they started bringing home friends and laughing and carrying on until, he thinks, sometime around 4am when he was finally able to get some shuteye.

The next blow came within days.

Being Tims fiance` we tend to be found within close proximity of one another as often as we can, if we had a chance we would spent less time apart, but we had limited my visits to just weekends. Again this seemed to be working well until about a month ago, when I happened to pop in, over four days instead of the usual 2.
Tim was swiftly approached by Leigh, who said that having another couple around the flat made them feel uncomfortable as though they couldn't fully relax and that I should only come over once a week.
Tim and I agreed that for him to pay half of everything and not be allowed the freedom to have friends around his, supposed, 'home', was ridiculous.
We really couldn't make heads or tales of the whole thing, when we're completely honest. Whenever I came over, we either headed out somewhere else, or we could be found watching telly or movies from his room. We weren't even invading the house. In fact I don't think I barely made a peep when I was there, I can only recall ever seeing Leigh or Alana a handful of times during the whole time I was ever around the place.

I suspect they were on a power trip.

However their issues screamed to Tim "...Don't make this your home, just pay the rent, stay in your room and don't get in our way..."

So we prayed.
The situation between Leigh and Alana didn't improve, they even went so far as to say that this was the same problem they had with their last flatmate, and that because his girlfriend continued to come over more than once a week they had to ask him to leave.
Tim chose to cut his losses and break loose - within the week he managed to find a girl in his motorbike club who's looking for a flatmate. He moved in today.

The whole moving swashbang took, in total, probably 2-3 hours...like ripping off a bandaid, quick and easy.
I had the chance to meet Leah [just to keep things confusing], Tims new flattie and she's lovely, very easy to get along with, open and friendly.
It was interesting that within the first day being in his new place, I helped him unpack all his things, so that nothing is sitting in boxes any longer. While he had continued to live out of boxes the whole time he was sharing with Leigh and Alana. His new place definitely feels more like home to him, in one day, than he ever felt in the 3 months at the other.

Perhaps the greatest part of this whole shannanigan is that Timmy and I have been able to see the positives.

That flat was needed, it put a roof over his head and was so close to work [5 minute walk]

For a while there he had no transport, so being so close meant that he didn't have to stress about getting to and from work while he was adjusting to the stresses of a new job.

He's settled and feels comfortable and happy in the workplace, so moving now means that one aspect of his life is stable, allowing him to handle this complicated aspect more effectively [God never allows more than we can handle ;)]

And the best one...

We can see the impact our attitude and issues can affect those around us, and seeing Timmy's old home has convicted both of us and encouraged us to make the decision once we're married, when we create our own home together, to make it a place where people feel welcomed and comfortable. We have a better idea of the sort of home we want to build, and it's definitely opened our eyes to the aspects of our own emotions and personalities which can help and allow that to happen.

This whole situation has been a growing time, which is fantastic, God definitely uses all things for his glory! And he whacks the nasty outta them and pumps some good in. Heck knows, Tim defintitely appreciates this new home, and he's actually started calling it that, which is beautiful. This is the first place in Melbourne I've ever heard him refer to as 'home'.

Now he's finally feeling comfortable and happy. Makes me feeling utterly blissful.

Surely, life is never easy - but if we look we're sure to find the good mixed up amongst the trials. They refine us.

Oh for the record, his new place is in Kew, which I've been told is a bit of a poshy area...all I know is it's beautiful, really lovely homes and streets - so green! and the best part - He has a bigger room, more modern and cleaner flat, yet pays less rent there, than he was paying in Abbotsford! - God your a champ!

Obsessive

2007-04-07T22:39:00.000+10:00

It seems that a few memes have been passed around the wonderful world of the internet, and thus far I have successfully managed to evade them. Tonight however I noticed that I had been tagged by a certain friend [You know who you are *insert death stare* :P ] and I feel in the right sort of mood to oblige, so here goes...

Obsessions

1) When I was 12 I went to the proper dentist [up until 12 we used to go to the free kids dentist] and discovered that I had 3 deep and long exsisting [he said they were started years ago] cavaties (sp?) I got all three fillings without 'the needle' and since then I have to brush my teeth for at least 4 minutes everytime I brush[usually twice a day]. I realise that it's a healthy obsession as I should be brushing well...but it has to be 4 minutes which means I find myself unable to do the quick brush and dash if I'm in a rush.

2) I worry about having hangers or crud on my face. I'll often ask friends or family "Have I got a hanger" then twist my head about so they can have a good gander. I've seen so many people who have stuff on their face, or a hanger waving from their nostril with each breath and no ones told them. I hate the feeling of 'feeling' something but not being able to get it off, usually only to ask someone and they tell me they can't see anything.

3) Slurpies...enough said

4) If I ever find myself bored or lacking brain power I find that I tend to count. Often without realising. For example, the other day I decided as exercise, I would grab a skipping rope and do that for 15-20 minutes. Before too long I was counting every skip i did. I'll count the number of people in a room, how many have blonde/brown/red/black/no hair, how many are male/female, how many look as bored as I feel. I'll lock in on something, someone is doing and count how many times they repeat that particular gesture/movement. When walking on a footpath I'll count how many normal steps I can fit within each square of concrete before stepping into the next. when driving, I'll use signs or barriers or other vehicles and count how many seconds between me seeing them, and passing them....I'm sure i do more when I'm bored that I haven't even really noticed yet. ;)

Can't really think of anything else right this second - I'm sure there's more things...theres got to be, if I think of them I may add them.

And now, I tag Belle, Fless and Burkie

Graduation anyone?!

2007-03-24T20:47:00.000+11:00

Is it just me or is it weird the way one piece of paper can represent 4 years of long hard work?!

I graduated on Friday. Finally it all became official.

I caught the plane back from Melbourne on Wednesday, landing in Newcastle. Mum made the treck down to pick me up and then we headed out to lunch with Matty. Sadly Timmy had to work and so couldn't arrange to be at my Grad - so I've left him for a week while I head to Mum and Dads.

Thursday was spent bumming around being useless and then on Friday we were up at 5am and on the road by 6 - picking up Rea along the way, with a loaded car chatting excitedly, which is slightly surprising considering how most of us handle early starts.

We arrived in Armidale at about 9:30am and I spend the next half hour wandering about registering and picking up my academic dress. By 10am we were seated and the show was ready to roll.

[can you spot me?]

rather than graduating under her maiden name as I thought she would, Bec was doing the whole shebang under her married name, which meant she was seated one person away from me -fan-freaking-fantastic!!

We were given the instructions that when we go up to receive our degree it's customery to acknowledge the Dean of the University by either bowing, curtsying or touching your trencher [hat] I told Bec the safest bet would be to do all three, but she retorted with, "Nah, I reckon I'll wave, wink and blow him a few kisses".

The whole ceremony lasted about 2 hours, after which we wandered about getting piccies and catching up with all the people we haven't seen in yonks! it was great.

By about 1pm our little mob was left with Mum, Dad, Kate, Rea, Felicity, laura and myself, so we headed over to the St Kilda for lunch.

After lunch as we were wandering down the street, and passing the White Bull Pub I spotted Bec and Trev, Rissa and Paul lounging around all over the Sofa's, so I popped in and spent the next 1/2 hour having a good 'ole chin-wag, I've missed my girls alot.

The afternoon was spend lounging around laura's room, before we grabbed a shower at Mary White College, which turned out more interesting than we planned. Laura didn't have any spare towels, so Rea and I ended up using our worn clothes to dry ourselves before changing into our new stuff...grotty eh! but we really had no other options...so instead we laughed about it.

[with fless and waje]

Had to wait for a bus to get into town, before meeting Waje and Fless for dinner. Had a great time carrying on and laughing as waje knicked my slushi and used it as a topping for his fries.

Eventually Tim gave me a call, which only aided in me missing him more before letting us know Alex wanted to catch up, so if we popped past his flat in the next 10 minutes or so, he can let us in through the security door.

We took him up on his offer. Was sad to leave Fless and Waje I do miss them alot, though they've been invited to visit in Melbourne and I do hope that at some point they take me up on the offer.

At Alex's place, Alex and Dan were being nerds on the computer, but stopped to humour us with conversation, before grabbing a deck of cards for us. We then spent the next hour or so playing 'loser' before suzii arrived in the flat and proceeded to teach us a newbie game, which while conplicated to begin with, actually eventually made a lot of sense.

The plan was to head to the Newie, but after hanging around the flat just goofing off and enjoying each others company, Rea Kate and I soon became pretty happy to just hang around the flat. We had been hoping to catch up with Timmi at the Newie but he had rung and cancelled because he had to work late and was buggered. Laura wanted to head out and was becoming increasingly more abrupt as time went on, at one point even stating "Look, I'm going to make a threat, either we leave for the Newie now, or you guys sleep outside for the night"...it didn't go down well with us and we quickly told her that if she wanted us to actually come out with her then using threats like that really doesn't fly well. Either your allowing us to crash at your place or your not. We don't like to be bullied. Since she wanted us to come out we agreed and decided to make the most of it -hitting the dance floor as soon as we got in.

I don't know what was going on with laura that night, she must have had more issues to handle than I knew because she became more and more cranky as the night progressed.

By about 2am we were all pretty knackered and ready to head home having been up since 5 that morning. After making such a huge deal about us coming with her, we lost Laura more times than we can count, at one point she was gone for so long we actually thought she may have left us there and gone somewhere else [she's been known to abruptly leave clubs before] Eventually we managed to track her down on the verandah with this 'Ben' we had heard her spak of quite a bit that day. For the next half hour or so , we hit emotional chaos. Laura didn't want to go home. We suggested that we take the keys and swipe card and head to bed and then when she arrived she could ring her room phone and we'd let her in. She forgot her swipe card rendering that idea useless. plus she didn't want to leave. She was really pushing the fact that we were her guest so we should comply with her plans and since hers were to stay then we should just handle it. We were exhausted, we were all in high heels and our feet cained...we just wanted to go to bed we were trying to explain that by going home we really weren't hindering her plans, we hadn't seen much of her since entering the newie anyway, it would just mean she'd just prank us when she arrives. Loz really couldn't see our side. We didn't want to ruin her night, we just knew when it was time to end ours, didn't mean hers needed to be over. But the conversation just dragged on and on with me feeling increasingly more and more dissapointed that such a little part of the night was engulfing so much of it. Honestly I was dissapointed that Laura couldn't see we were exhausted and just allow us the freedom of going to bed. We hated that she was using her room as the carrot in front of the donkey - leading us on and making us jump through hoops, "Do you want to stay at my place or not?!"

I think Lauras dilemma was whether to come home with us, or hang out with the boy. It hurt that the decision seemed so difficult. We weren't banning her from seeing him, we would be gone the following morning and she wouldn't be 'put out' as she put it anymore

At some point Laura actually told us that we should have probably just planned to stay with someone else who we wouldn't be putting out. Ouch

So the three of us were at the end of the line and just decided, Okay we will. There was definitely tension and we decided that it would be better for everyone if we just left. The drama was too much.

We didn't really know exactly where we should go, so I rang the person in Armidale who I thought could very possibly still be awake and not mind us crashing their place, Suzii. She is such a champion, she sounded like we'd woken her when she answered the phone, but she was lovely none the less. I felt terrible. But as Rea put it, we didn't have a clue where we were going to go and if Suzii hadn't of answered we all would probably have collapsed in a blubbering mess. Praise God, she picked up the phone!! :D So we caught the bus to Mary White, picked up all our stuff, then caught a taxi [Rea trying to chat up the driver] over to Suzii, Alex and Melinda's place, and Suzii let us through the security door.

The image was actually quite ammusing. The three of us trudging down the street with masses of bags, pillows and sleeping bags. Rea hated it, vocalising it with "I feel like I'm homeless wandering the streets with everything I own".

A 40-something year old bloke tried to crack onto the 3 of us as we wandered the street with all our stuff with;

Bloke:"Oy, where you lovely ladies going with all that stuff?"

Rea: "We're moving - outta our old house and into the new"

Bloke: "moving?! at this time of night?"

Jess: "Yep, got evicted"

and on we walked, he tried but he caught us at the wrong end of the night -well, lets be honest...none of us were ever going to go there no matter how good our night could have been ;)

I think all 3 of us sighed as we walked through the door - the drama was over. The incredible thing was, as tired as suzii was she never stopped shining her beautiful smile and made us feel so welcome in her home. She's amazing.

The irony was that after all the drama and stress of moving and adjusting to life in Melbourne I honestly thought that the night would be a night of zero stress, just hanging out and enjoying the company of friends and instead it turned into this mess of a night.

Though, as in all difficult circumstances, you see the positives. Kate, Rea and I stuck together, no matter how stressed or irritated we got we continued to support and uphold each other and I felt the love of their friendship.

It helped me to appreciate Tim even more, with the reminder that he is a rock in my life and I know that I can count on him through anything. I actually got a little teary throughout the course of the night wishing that he could have been there, coz as sappy as it sounds a hug would have made the difference. But My girls, Kate and Rea were with me and I love that we ended the night with a group hug and some 'love you's' - these are some of the most amazing girls I know and I do love them ridiculously.

I will chat to laura soon and we'll sort through some things. I think that I was just really dissapointed - I still love her, she's my sister - but even the best of us hurt each other sometimes it's the nature of being human. Only Gods ways are perfect and he came through for us friday night/saturday morning he put a new roof over our head I thank him desperately for the incredible friendships he has granted me in this life.

Suzii headed to work on Saturday, while grabbing breakfast we bought some flowers for suzii and Cadbury Creme eggs for the rest of the flat to say thanks for taking care of us and letting us crash there. Even though Alex had no idea we stayed the night, he had still let us crash 'boys night' with Dan and we wanted the whole flat to know we appreciated their hospitality intentional or not ;)

So at 10am Saturday we headed back to Forster, knackered after only having 3 hours sleep...but we were chipper and enjoyed each others company. These girls are amazing, kate and rea. We all realised we were tired so nobody got snappy or short with anyone, we just enjoyed the groggy company of one another before falling asleep all over each other in the back seat, waking at nabiac where we voted in the state election, then met Rea's dad and she headed home.

Barring the 2 hours of emotional chaos we had a great time over the weekend. The big dissapointment was that with the move to stay across town it meant I didn't get to catch up with Rhen before her graduation from Nursing. I was looking forward to that, but all the drama made it incredibly difficult. I do hope that I will be able to see her soon.

What a weekend...chaotic fun.

Let the Tears flow.

2007-03-05T23:29:00.000+11:00

Today marks exactly one week in Melbourne. To date I have applied for 11 teaching positions and received 2 -"... We appreciate your application however must inform you that you have not been successful..." rejections.

I'm struggling a little bit.
I'm trying to stay as positive as possible, continuing to believe that there IS a job out there for me. I realise that things like this take time, but I'm really finding it hard to not feel useless and as though I'm an utter bum.

Prayer.

Thats what I want to ask for.

If anyone who reads this, whether you know me, well or not so well, heck even if you don't know me at all, if you happened to stumble across this blog and just stopped for a bit of a potter.

Prayer.

Thats what I want to ask for.

That I would remain steadfast in my faith and my trust in God and his divine timing. That I would not allow my self worth to be erroded during this time of searching. That I would find peace and hope and joy in every day that I am here.

I realise that life IS an adventure and I am so glad to be doing it with God and Tim and all of you standing beside me and encouraging me. I thank you sincerely, right from the heart.

Life is definitely different here in Melbourne. I've managed to get lost driving around the city - so many times I am beginning to lose count, however I am convinced that if forced, I could still count the number of times on two hands.

Isn't it funny the way loss of control forces you to draw closer to God. Ideally we should never draw away from him, but when I am transparantly honest the truth is I do. I become proud in my own capabilities and relly on my self more and push God further back as I work through life. He's always there, but sometimes I try to walk ahead of him, I try to do the leading...I end up lost and then turn to him for help, only to realise that he's walked the path before me, the path I now tread.

At one point I ended up completely lost, my mobile had no reception so I couldn't ring and ask Tim for directions. It was 11pm at night, I was tired and exhausted and pretty soon I could feel the hot tears streaming my cheeks.
I was giving myself such a hard time for being "So Stupid!" and then like a hailstorm I felt God fall hard and before I knew it I was sobbing uncontrollably.

I had been so stressed, yet in my attempts to 'keep it all together' I'd failed to really allow myself to feel validated in my angst and nervousness.
Can I just say that after a couple of minutes I wiped the last of the tears, sat up took a couple of deep breathes, restarted the car and felt SOOOO much better.
I will never underestimate the healing capabilities of a good cry.

More than anything else I felt God speak this to my spirit;
"Your in a completely new place, it's a stressful time, but I'm here and I've got you.
Don't give yourself such a hard time, take a chill pill girl [yep Gods become a funky americal black woman ;)] Don't expect to get everything right first time everytime. Allow yourself time. Be kinder to yourself, after all if you were perfect, how boring would your life be - I made this adventure for you,...embrace the adventure, enjoy it!"

I chucked a U'ie dropped the pride, stopped into a service station and asked for directions. Pretty soon I was back on track and made it home.

so, just so you know. I don't have it all together just yet. I'm still feeling a little stressy and nervous about the job front, about the living in a new city front.

But truth is, I will be okay, infact I WILL be more than fine. God has my back. He has looked at me, he has seen that what he has started in me IS good and he has promised to finish this! He's not done with me or Tim or you yet, he's still going before us and in his time we'll see what he's got.

I love you.

New Home!

2007-02-28T13:00:00.000+11:00

Alright, alright...

I'm in Melbourne!!

Home of the glorious Tram [is it true once I'm a local I'll learn to hate them? NEVER!! :P]

Tim and I arrived on Monday afternoon, and I have been residing at my Aunty Jans place in Keilor, ever since.

So for now, this shall be my new home.

Ultimately the goal is to move into a flat of my own, however until I have a job I really can't afford to do that.

Monday afternoon saw me getting lost for the first time as I drove around the city, attempting to use the map in order to find my way back to my Aunts. Can I just add here, that I did infact manage to use the map to navigate and I did manage to get home.
Tim had given me instructions for which way I should go, however upon reflection I realised that he had sent me on probably the longest possible route.
You live and you learn I suppose ;)

Unfortunately Tim is at least a 1/2 hour drive from where I'm at and since he's working there really isn't a whole heapa point either one of us driving back and forth. So our plans are for the weekends, but long term? Well since whichever flat I move into will become our home together after the wedding, it's going to need to be closer. But for now I'm just over the whole bum aspect of my current existance and ready for a job.

Friday will see me pottering around to a whole heap of schools to meet and greet and leave them with a resume, before meeting up with Tim that afternoon/night. Not exactly sure what we'll be doing but we'll probably decide as we go along.

All you melbournians, I am in town and I'm here for a fair haul, to boot, I am excited about meeting up with people. Pop me a message either by email or mobile and we should plan something, otherwise I'll drop you a line and see what your doing.

God is good, theres a job for me somewhere, I've just gotta find it :D
Gosh I love prayer, and I appreciate any I can get!

much love
Jess xoxo

It's a date!! Immigrating interstate.

2007-02-17T00:52:00.000+11:00

My Victorian teaching Registration is all but a breath away.
I have received and paid the invoice and now I must merely wait for the final stage of the process.

For the last month the ball has begun to roll, and it is quickly starting to pick up speed.

Yesterday I submitted my first application for a teaching position. At Calder Rise Public School [literally round the corner and down the street from my Aunts place, a.k.a where I will be staying] They're looking for a Graduate teacher, with no experience other than the prac time they experienced while earning their degree.

I'm not pinning all my hopes on this position, but trusting that the one for me will turn up and I'll be able to kick butt in the interview.

So I'm set to drive to Newcastle on Saturday next week, meet Tim and together we'll drive el convoy down to Melbourne.

It's exciting and it's daunting and it's all things unknown...But it is a great adventure which I am so happy to be on. After all, Gods got my back ;)

The downside of a great adventure, is I have a heck load of packing to do, which involves cleaning out my room completely....eeerg.

Joy Joy Joy...eyes on the goal, eyes on the goal :P

Blatant disrespect.

2007-02-15T19:08:00.000+11:00

*I want to state that you may not agree with all of my ideas, but I appreciate your input, and any opinions or perspectives will always be respected. My aim here is to make you think and consider, that mayebe...just maybe it's time things changed in our society.

The subject of this post, arose after a conversation/argument with an important person in my life, of the opposite gender. He was deciding whether he would join a group of his work collegues in a few drinks at a local strip club.
I shared that I didn't like the idea, and we definitely clashed heads in our opinions.
It seemed like an obvious argument on my part to point out that it was a blatant objectification of woman, obviously a well worn argument as he was not particularly stunned that I would use it.
The truth of the matter is that any issues such as this, when it comes to women, is like an iceburg. I don't think that anyone will ever truely see the extent of passion I feel for the rights, respect and dignity that women deserve. I have no doubt that this is heavily due to the fact that I am, myself a woman.

Now I know, that there are women out there who choose to work within the sex industry as strippers, prostitudes and porn-stars. And I've heard vast numbers of women saying "Women who do that are powerful, they realise the power they have over men because of their sexuality and so the men are their slaves". I've heard that more times than I can count on both hands and yet, not once am I yet to buy it.
Exploiting sexuality as a form of power, does not create an image of strength...rather it stirs images of bondage and denial of authentic self. No person deserves to be summarised as simply 'Sexual'
I am yet to meet a fellow female who answers, when asked what they want to do with their lives, with "I want to be the worlds greatest stripper, or a world renowned Porn-star".

I did do my research, into the careers of female porn stars and the one recurrring similarity between all these women was their initial ambitions. Alot of these girls had dreams of being movie stars...celebrities...actors. They became so desperate to see their dreams become reality, that when offered a job behind the camera, they couldn't say yes quickly enough.
These girls were often but children, 15 or 16 years old, still discovering who they truely were to be. Many stating, that initially they didn't know whether they had made the right decision, but the more films they made, the more money began to role in. They dreamt of fame and in persuit of the dream, somewhere along the way they got lost.
One of the other heartbreaks of this industry, is the number of these women with serious Alcohol or drug addictions. Why turn to drugs/alcohol again and again and again I was bombarded with this...
"...If you are unhappy, stressed, or lonely, you are more likely to turn to drugs to forget your problems..."

Now why would women who feel as though they are so powerful because of their sexual hold over men, be feeling Unhappy. stressed or lonely? ...
...
Maybe, just maybe they don't have the control and power they convince themselves they do.

As any male knows and any honest female will admit. Us women are a complicated gender.
And while I don't want to try and speak for every female on the face of this planet, I will speak for the female whom I know so honestly. Myself

I want to be taken seriously, I want to be respected, I want to feel more than eye-candy, I want to feel as though I am worthy of time, of dignity, of personal integrity.

Those desires become incredibly difficult to gain when a bunch of intoxicated males sit yahooing, hollering and hooting. Oggling my breats and my body, with no desire to interact or know me any further than instant and shallow self gratification.

The heart of a woman is a vulnerable thing. Easily shattered and devastated. And broken enough it shuts down, it closes off and it numbs itself. Sometimes it becomes easier to switch-off than to suffer the same devastation again. Easier to succumb to the lie, that "All you have to offer is your pretty face...you should be happy to have the attention of males, you were made beautiful so you could please them..."

Women are more than pretty faces, more than flesh, breasts and ass [scuse the bluntness]

Too many women have sacrificed self respect in the persuit of male attention, in the peruit of love, in the persuit of acceptance.

Why do women accept it? why do they say, "this life is enough? I'm not happy, but at least people seem to like having me around..."

But my bigger question is, Where are all the men of integrity? Please please don't just sit there, stand up and begin to make a noise. Require more of women!
Men, imagine you have a daughter [or already have a daughter] would you not want the best for her? Now imagine that you have a BBQ, with all your mates over, your daughter walks out and all of the fella's start hooting and wolf-whisting and talking about what they would like to do to her. You can see your daughter, at first she's flattered by the attention, So she comes over to try and have a conversation with them and instead they tell her to shuttup and dance. Would you just stand there and allow them to do it? Would you join them in the hollering and hooting, and watch as your daughter begins to become defined by simply her body.
I know that it is overused...but it is true, Every single one of those girls is someones daughter.
Not all of those girls have fathers who love them enough to wish more for them. It is time that someone chose to say no to shallow disrespect and begin a revolution of men who take women for more than face value.

You might say "Thats completely out of context" but is it really, is not our society telling women "we just want you to shuttup and dance" when we choose to go to a strip club, when we choose to switch on a porn tape, when we pay a prostitute for sex.
I'm sorry if this post makes anyone feel uncomfortable, but tonight my emotions are running high.

Where are the men of integrity? What are young boys learning about women and how women should be treated?
It's something that we need to be thinking about.
What are young girls learning when they see women 'dumbing down' and just flashing some skin instead... for what?! For the attention they so desire.

I've heard the argument, "Oh I look at them, but I don't actually want to be with them" Then why are you looking? why would you even want to look if you don't intend on making a solid investment? Why are you wasting your time?
How is the woman in your life supposed to feel when you want to spend your time looking at something you don't even want, rather than proving to her that you do actually want her.

My opinion.

Porn and strip clubs and hookers, are the toys of men who are still playing the game.
Men who are still humouring the playboy, and are yet to make a decision to truely settle down.
To honestly say, "You are enough for me...I don't WANT anyone else"

"Oh but I would never cheat on my partner..." Oh but don't you see, by looking, you actually are

"Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Your lustful glances are taking something from this other woman that you've said you would only take from your partner. And is your partner supposed to just smile and say...okay, well I'm glad she could give you that. I'll just wait till your ready for me again.

By fantasising your being the bachelor in your own imagination again. Your cheating your partner and giving her less of your complete self, and less than your complete faithfulness.

Any woman who respects herself will say, "Dream on!" Sadly too many women don't want to rock the boat and just accept that men are 'visual creatures' and need that male bonding time.

How a session of mutual, visual, cheating classifies as bonding is beyond me...but alot of men and women alike consider it so.

To the soul of a woman, the heart of the man she loves is one of her most prized possessions she will ever have. When a man entertains a lust for another woman...he has allowed that other to capture him [if only briefly]. And that can hurt nearly as significantly as the physical act itself.

And finally [I know I've been going on and on] But my blood boils when men say "Oh but all the other guys are doing it"

Personal integrity should be bigger than what other men are doing. Whether the men around you want to choose to stand up and say, "The disrespect of women stops here" or not. You don't have to live with that...You do have to live with your decisions, and trust me, there is ALWAYS a decision, and it is ALWAYS yours to make...Below is an extract entitled "Integrity (A Talk To Men)" taken from John Marks website.

"...Today we find it easier to rationalise our bad behaviour blaming it on our background, personality type and we excuse ourselves from any personal responsibility.
Self-justification is often an immediate defense when we are caught out. We excuse our bad behaviour by saying that everybody is doing it. This kind of behaviour often ends up in ruining ones own life, devastating those close to us and damaging many others around us. What we need are men of integrity who will maintain their standards, clearly draw the line, not even go into the grey areas of life, no matter what the personal cost may be..."

All I ask is that men stop and actually take a moment to consider...
Please!
Women need to respect themselves. And when men and women alike choose to respect the women whom they encounter, they are ultimately telling women that they are worthy of such respect, and women begin to believe that they should accept nothing less and begin to truely respect themselves.

They find freedom

And that dear reader is a wonderful thing.

Beauty from Pain

2007-02-13T23:03:00.000+11:00

"...Truth be told, Tim and I both know that we never would have been ready for each other, had we met 3 or even 2 years ago. Each of our seperate heartbreaks helped to shape each one of us into a person who attracted the other in their vibrancy..."

Unified...[and sanctified]

2007-02-10T01:34:00.000+11:00

Still in Forster, and contented.
I've taken to sitting out on the couch on mum and dads verandah after the sun has set, and all is still. I've grown incredibly fond of the coolness of the air and the way everything feels at peace.

So tonight as I sat, head perched on a cushion and eyes gazing towards the stars, I think that for the first time in, what feels like a long time, felt myself calm. I'm not a particularly stressy person, by nature. I tend to take things as they come, but I must admit that since Tim moved to Melbourne I've felt incredibly eager to get myself there and have felt the pinch of frustration as all that was keeping me was my teaching registration.

I've been persuing this idea of waiting. Of taking those steps towards the presence of God, of drawing close, but resting there in silence and allowing him to speak to my spirit.
Tonight was a night of sweet reflection. As I sat silently, eyes closed - before my spirit truely realised what was to follow, I felt a tear run the length of my cheeck, before dripping from my chin. My initial reaction was "Why am I crying?!" But I sat and I waited.

As the moments passed I began to reflect upon the last month. I'm sure that any of you who read this blog regularly [if you exist ;) ] are aware of the shebang with Tim offered his dream job and then finding a flat, complete with flatmates he truely enjoys the company of, and while all of that has been an incredible blessing, tonight my reflection flowed further back.

Tonight my reflection rested on the month before Melbourne was even a consideration in Tim and My plans.

It was December, I was literally, days away from completing my Primary teaching degree and Tim and I knew we needed to start making some decisions...Where were we going?
The Engagement ring was well and truely locked on my finger, which basically meant [as far as we were concerned] that we were joint at the hip in terms of city destination. But which one?

I can still remember sitting together and praying that God would guide us, that he would grant us our desires and bless us in our future together. That he would open doors of persuit and close those which we need to leave behind. I can remember that at the end of it we both felt pretty good, confident and hopeful. We'd prayed our "God, Guide us to the future, Prayer" Not realising that what God really wanted was to use this situation to push us deeper, and stretch our understanding of marriage and what it really means, further.

And then days past...weeks past...and nothing. Nothing had happened, nothing had stirred...nothing.

So we sat and we talked and I asked Tim, "When you look at where you want to go, what do you want? what do you really want?"

He answered Queensland and when he asked me the same question, I wanted to stay in New South Wales. It was then that we realised we were both desiring different things. We had asked God to grant us our desires, yet how could he? how could he possibly grant us anything when we were both desiring to head in completely different directions, in the long run whichever way we ended up going, one of us would feel as though we had been forced to make such a huge compromise, one of us would end up feeling even slightly dissapointed. Now I know that in marriage there comes times when we need to choose compromise, but we were both so convinced that God was bigger than this one, that should we throw it into his hands, his solution would be far greater than any we could create.

So we sat, and again we prayed. Only this time we prayed that we would be united in our desires, that God would look deeper, and guide us to the solution we sought.
Unity is such a powerful weapon in the hands of Gods children, and we realise that those snares which get thrown under us, attempt to break the unity which enables us to serve God more fully.

Not one day later, Tim found a Job online, initially thinking "Nah, no chance I'll get it...but heck, I'll send my resume" The next day he came to me with the news "I've been shortlisted...I didn't think I had a chance, but they want me to come down for an interview"

Melbourne! The city was Melbourne.

Anyone who knows me well, knows I love Melbourne. The idea of living there? well I was tickled pink. Tim was tickled pink.

We both love Melbourne and yet had never even considered it!

...

As I sad tonight on the Verandah I cried...tears of gratitude, to a great God who blesses the unity of his Kids.
Who blesses the feeble, the undeserving and the foolish. The God we serve and we love, is far greater than any words would ever give credit for.

In Love and Unity,
Jess xoxo

Pic lackings?

2007-02-09T02:58:00.000+11:00

Did you notice that I haven't put any new piccies on these pages for quite a few entries?

I like adding piccies to my posts, makes them a little more interesting, breaks the text a bit.

Anywhoo, if you really feel as though you need some photographic additons, then head over to flickr, (hit my link to the left if it's easier) and take a squiz at some of the new stuff.

Psst, this is how I've been entertaining myself lately. Building a wedding website with alot of the details unable to fit on the invite. Below is the header. Considering I have extremely limited computer literacy :P I'm so proud of myself. I may eventually link to the site...just gimme a little more time to make it look better.

P.S. When I say "build" I mean, take the given template and squish all my stuff in, theres no way I would survive [and still be sane] with all the code necessary to build it from scratch.

Kudos to those special folk who manage it without hitting their head repeatedly on the kepboard, or wall, or *insert the hardest nearby object here*! I salute you!

Found in my room?! Thats a miracle!!

2007-02-09T02:35:00.000+11:00

So I lost my MP3 player for the last 6 months.
I could not, for the life of me find it anywhere!
To be honest it had been missing for so long that I think I may have forgotten it ever existed. And then today, as I was cleaning out my room in preperation for the big move to Melbourne - just allow me to go off topic for 2 seconds as I have a sook...Hows this for love, my parents have told me to clear out my room, pretty much completely. I'm not even married yet and I'm already getting the boot. :P
Yep, theres that dramatic streak again. - So anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah, as I'm cleaning out my room, there it is, my MP3 player. I swear it could nearly have had, the bright light and angels singing, with me gliding towards it...not entirely sure as I was completely engulfed in the joy of finding it again.
So of course, whats the first thing you do after finding the long lost MP3?...You have a scan through the music.
Alot of MP3's...and then I switch across to the self record feature, as I remembered at some point I was carrying it around, just incase, inspiration struck.

And can I say, as I listened to them I don't think it would be completely unfair to say...
"There was a WHooooole heapa crap on there!!" :P

But I did manage to find a glimmer of hope, a rough diamond perhaps...maybe I'll try and polish her up.

Arise oh mighty warrior
Take the sword within your hand
Step up and fight this battle
I'm giving you this land

Arise oh mighty warrior
You are chosen with my blood
Step up and brave this battle
oh Child, the Victories won

It Kind of had this cool little inflect which made it fun to sing.

Oh, speaking songs. I had a friend recommend Kirk Franklins "Imagine Me" filmclip with the advice, "Look out though, you may just cry".
Can I just say, at the risk of sounding like a complete sap, I didn't just cry, I absolutely blubbered like a new born baby, right after the doctor smacked that shiny pink booty (Okay so I heard that doctors don't do that, but they do in movies so it's just gotta be true then... right?!! :P )

I would recommend the clip, the song itself is pretty great, but the clip AND the song WOW!!

I think the tears hit the chin somwehere around the line "What if God came up and whispered in your ear, Everything from your past is...Gone..."

If you have the chance and haven't watched it...Watch it. If you have the chance and have watched...well, watch it again.
Reminders like that are definitely worth our time.

Bless ya my big and little bro's and sissas
xoxo

Ouchie!

2007-02-06T21:54:00.000+11:00

Went to Body Step tonight and I do not know what I did, but I twisted/jolted/ cracked...who knows!!! my back and now it hurts so much!
You know what sucks the most about it though...I was watching Oprah [yar I'm a sucker ] and she mentioned that she does 150 sit-ups so I thought, "heck I could do that" and so I have been. Building the abs is supposed to lower the strain on your back, and so in fine Jessica style...after building the abs with 150 situps [everyday!!]for the last 2 weeks and then I go and strain my lower back leaping around on a plastic step.
Oh I really have outdone myself haven't I!
So if you see me and I'm walking as though there is some sort of broomstick up my Kaboose, you'll understand...my posture hasn't shown an incredible improvement [I really do need to work on that ] rather its that walking any other way would leave me wrything around on the ground in pain...
well actually thats not true I don't think I would squirm much at all, rather I would just lay there stiff, to terrified to move and create more pain.

Oh I am being so dramatic with all of this aren't

I Truth is it does hurt, but I think that I've learnt to block pain, as the last time I ever took a pain killer [including panadol or whatever] was 4 years ago when I was suffering from Killer heat stroke.I'm a tough nut...the back shall recover.

All your Get well cards and messages are much appreciated...*cough hint hint cough*
Hope your all fabulous! though I'm sure I don't need to hope, of course your fabulous, you always are, not just anyone makes it onto the friends list you know!
Love and more love

MSN-ings

2007-02-01T00:21:00.000+11:00

Tims in Melbourne, I'm still in Forster, waiting for my material to come through from the University so I can recieve approval from the Victorian Education department to teach in Vic. I'm set to follow him there as soon as I can and it's tough - tough being so far away from him and tough being patient and unsure all at the same time. But trusting that God has it all sussed out and I've gotta keep stepping out of the boat.

Okay so I decided to be a little slack. But truth be told I really couldn't bring myself to blab all this out again, so it was easier to take my msn conversation with Belle last night and paste it here.
what else is there for me to say that...happy reading.

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
I'm learning a thing or two at the moment too

Bella says:
oh I bet!!

Bella says:
how you going with it all?

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
it's really really hard
so much harder than expected

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
it's not at if God is saying "I want you to go and do this"
instead he's saying "I want you to sit there, trust me, and do absolutely nothing - you've done all you can, now you've just gotta trust me"

and it's hard...

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
just waiting and waiting and waiting and trusting that there are coggs turning, I just can't see them right now

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
I kinda lost it last night

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
coz Tim was supposed to call me and then he was so exhausted that he accidentally fell asleep and that little girl in me said "I was forgotten" which compounded all this stuff and left me wondering, "what if Gods forgotten me too"

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
which I know is absolute crap
I'm not forgotten...

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
But Katie came to my rescue and chatted and cried and prayed with me...
she prayed the most incredible prayer over me...which went on and on and covered every fear/concern of my heart...it was amazing...She was so clearly led by the spirit, because she was speaking out things I haven't shared with her...

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
which of course made me into even more of a blubbering mess...
but it was good...
sometimes it's just good to cry

Bella says:
that's it....you're not forgotten, cause God probably orchestrated that whole moment

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
yeah... I did wake up today feeling so much better

Bella says:
Praise the Lord!

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
It's good to be completely honest with God...he knows it all already, but theres something so liberating in releasing it into his hands and letting him use all the fear and pain and concern...and make it into something amazing!

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
I trust him completely, it'll work out I know it...
it's just hard having to play the waiting game...

Bella says:
haha

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
but it's his hilarious way of teaching me patience...yet again!

Bella says:
you're telling ME!!

Bella says:
hmm. gotta love that lesson huh!

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
to be honest...

Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
no I don't love it...I don't even like it...but heck knows I need it

Bella says:
AMEN!!

It's moving time!!

2007-01-18T16:24:00.000+11:00

Alrighty people it's happening, the big move is taking place and as it turns out, this big move of which I speak involves travelling interstate, to a place we all know and love...

MELBOURNE!

On Tuesday Tim caught his flight out from Brisbane to Melbourne for his Job interview at Klopferdobos, He must have done some serious impressing because he walked straight out of the interview, rang me on the phone opening the conversation with "I GOT THE JOB!!!"

So with those words Tim and I will be moving to Melbourne, set to plant our feet there within the next 2 weeks.

So currently I'm working my way through the registration process to be recognised within Victorian schools. Plus I'm also looking for a flat. For the time being I shall be moving in with my Aunty Jan, who I adore - but I refuse to mooch off her for too long, with my moving in being only a temporary thing.

So it's exciting, a little nervy but the way tim and I have chosen to look at it is, we're starting an adventure and we're on it together.

God has been so amazing with this whole shabang...he really has captured the desires of the heart and we're both so happy with the outcome...we realise there's going to be a tonne of stuff to organise in a really short time, but God has been so good, he's never let us down, and he's going to continue to lead us through.

xoxo

Hitched in Zion!

2007-01-06T18:28:00.000+11:00

I found this today...
I did some research, with the goal to find out more about the History behind the Green Cathedral. Yep, thats the place where Tim and I are set to tie the knot.
I've always had a soft spot for the outdoor church, but having searched a little deeper, I'm even more in love with it now than I ever was before.

The 'Green Cathedral' and 'Green Cathedral Ministries' are part of Community of Christ. The name Tiona [where the church is located] is a Tahitian word that is equivalent to the biblical 'Zion', an ideal place where the people of God were of one heart and one mind and dwelt in righteousness.

[wow! loving that hey!!]

The first church spiritual retreat was held in Tiona in 1923.

The Green Cathedral was birthed from a vision of a place for people to worship and was dedicated 'For private devotion and public worship' in 1940.

This beautiful open-air santuary is used for worship and sacrament services such as; marriage; blessing of children; baptism and funeral services.

Green Cathedral Ministries hold worship services each sunday at 10:ooam. All are invited and welcome to share, with communion services held the first sunday of the month.

At the entrance there is a dedication sign which reads;

"The groves were God's first temples
Father, your hands have raised these giant palms
You did weave the palm frond roof above, you are here,
Lord you fill the solitude.
In this place nature enjoys your presence.
You Lord have not left yourself without witness,
Grandeur and tranquility mix here to speak of you.
Here is continual worship,
We breathe our thanks."

I can't think of a place I would want to get married in more. How rad is that!! I'm getting married in Zion.

:D

p.s. sorry if I'm boring/annoying anyone with my constant wedding warblings, it's just such an exciting thing..
p.p.s. I bought my wedding shoes today and they're high...comfortable, gorgeous and high :P

Sneek-Peeks

2007-01-04T18:27:00.001+11:00

Ok Ok.

So the deed is done...

The deed. You know, the BIG one!

???

I have chosen my wedding Dress...

But more than that, I have purchased my wedding dress and it hangs in my parents room. Can I just say that I absolutely adore it. Now I realise that it is only one day, and I will only wear it that one day and I don't find myself getting all caught up in the wedding stuff, don't get me wrong, yes I'm excited, but I find myself so much more excited by the idea of being Tim's wife!! I can't wait!!

In fact I was somewhat doubting my girliness due to my lack of "wedding fever" as I call it. But the dress really is beautiful and I knapped it for less that $500, which is absolutely a blessing of God, as the bead work is exquisite

happy happy.

But alas, I will be mean, and not let you see it until the photo's of the big day, or if your luckier, on the day itself!!

My gorgeous and talented sister Kate is designing and making the jewelry for not only myself, but all the bridesmaids. In fact she finished my Jewelry today and I will let you see that;

Earrings

Bracelet

Katie didn't make the necklace, as I've chosen to wear my Great Grandmothers Crystals, which, {shall I say} I inherited, after she passed away.

As for the bridesmaids. The dresses and shoes have all been bought!!!! Can you believe it, it's so fantastic!

I was at the after christmas sales in Sydney and we popped in to

have a squiz and managed to snaffle the dresses not only for $50 each, but because we bought 2 we got the 3rd one free! And they are so much more than I ever expected!! I love love LOVE them!!

And yes...he he he...I am mean. I'm not going to show you the whole lot either. Just little sneek-peeks of them...after all I want the title of the post to remain relevent ;)

Time and Time again, God just keeps blessing and blessing with these wedding arrangements. Everything keeps falling into place, and thus far it really hasn't been a struggle at all. Though I don't think I have bridezilla tendencies at all! Things have fallen through and we've gone another direction and it hasn't fazed me in the slightest. So long as Tim and I get married, my family and friends are there, then I'm going to be happy.

But to keep this honest, Gosh it's nice to have things looking so Gosh-dang pretty, and the best part is it hasn't cost an arm, or a leg yet!...I'm excited about the big day.

I hope that my sharing is making you excited too :D

Engagement luncheons!

2007-01-04T18:27:00.000+11:00

Welcome to the new year everyone! I just want to take a moment to speak love and blessings over you in Jesus Name!!

Hasn't the last year just flown by! and I hope that you all step into this brand spankin' new year, full of hopeful excitement, as you prepare yourself to love and live life to the absolute full!! be blessed, blessed, blessed!!

The 1st of the month, New years day no less, saw Tim and I celebrating with Family at Mum and Dads place in Forster. The parentals threw an engagement bash for us.

Complete with Cake and as I'm sure you are aware...everybody loves cake!!

The cake was a bit of a trial, as this is the lady we were looking to use for the wedding cake. And can I say (Belle if your out there, back me on this one) it was absolutely beautiful, tasted and looked stunning. So it's definitely a yes in our opinions. Now just imagine somthing like the above with a few more tiers.

The funny thing is, Tim and I both shy away from the spotlight, so the entire day being devoted to us was somewhat...interesting (for lack of a better word) But fantastic all at the same time.

We both realise that we have an absolutely amazing network of support gathered around us as we step into this new phase. I actually find it hard not to let a few tears slip past when I think about it. We are so blessed, so, so blessed!

Thankyou for your friendship, for your love, you mean more than you know and I appreciate you so sincerely!

Thankyou Brother and sisters of my heart!

More Updates...

2006-12-20T18:35:00.000+11:00

And the wedding preperations are coming along nicely. No I haven't tried on any dresses yet. In fact I'm a little scared about that part. What if I don't find one I absolutely love?!!...what if I look terrible in them all?!!...
Eventually I'll get there.
But what I have managed to find is the style of dresses that I was really, really wanting for the bridesmaids. Black - check. Cocktail length - check. Femine - check. A little unique - check. Ebay yielded these little beauties. So only time will tell whether or not you'll be able to spot them in the wedding shots.What other updates can I give you...

Oh! the bridesmaids are locked in...and all the girls are so excited! it's actually alot of fun, because they're all so good at keeping me upbeat and in the best mood! so the wedding day is going to be an absolute blast! [not to mention the fact I'll be marrying the love of my life...that should be fun too!! :P]

Maid Of Honour

Katie: An obvious one, apart from being my twin sis she's also my best friend in the whole world. I love her so much, and it just wouldn't be right without katie standing right there beside me.

Bridesmaids

Rea: I've known her since I was 3, and she's been one of the greatest friends of my life. No matter what we've always stayed in touch, and times are always grand when we're together.

Jess: Best friends since primary school, we were united in our wackiness [go the 'J-Team'], and no matter how much time has past, it always feels so good between us. Love chuckles.

Belle: Well this should be obvious too! Belle and I have been the best of mates since High school, and it's kept on going and going ever since. I love her to bits.

.............................................................................................................................

What's kinda cool is i noticed that the girls I chose to be my bridesmaids, actually span my entire life thus far. Rea: since I was 3, Jess: Since Primary school, Belle: Since high school... and Katie: for the entirety (sp?), all of them have carried right through to the present. Friendship truely is such a beautiful and precious thing...and while everyone I love can't be part of the bridal party, I do sincerely look forward to sharing this amazing day with all the people I love.

other updates...? Well the vases have been bought, for...well remember this?
**Minus all the pink erckiness!!

So we now have a vast number of boxes piled up in the corner, full of these vases;
And pretty soon I'll be buying something close to 400 Peacock feathers to turn these vases into a pretty spectacular centrepiece [well I hope so]

I shall keep you updated.
here ya go...take some love
xoxo

Christmas comes early.

2006-12-12T16:11:00.000+11:00

Timmy bought me a Kitten!

This isn't actually him, but I googled and managed to find this piccy, which holds an uncanny likeness.
He's a 6 week old, black moggy. And boy-oh-boy is he brave. He was wandering up to dizzy, who's at least 4 times his size, giving him a good sniff over, while dizzy [the absolute wuss] was freaking out! Though Tim and I aren't entirely convinced that he's brave, rather just naive ;)

Anywhoo, after some consideration, going by his looks and [believed] boldness I've called him Bear.

And he's beautiful!!

I'll pop some piccies of him up just as soon as I can get some here.

Countdown

2006-12-02T13:23:00.001+11:00

10 months till the wedding and I am so desperately excited!!

I cannot wait to be Tims wife!

I have been so blessed with and by this mighty man. and I just want to encourage any of you who are still waiting. I was single for what felt like the longest time and often I would begin to lose hope, as though I would have to lose some of my standards and desires and 'be more realistic' if I wanted to find a man.

Can I just say to you. Do not ever sell yourself short. Place your requests before God. I put mine there probably about 3 years ago and I think for a while I forgot about it.

God loves marriage and he loves love...funny that, since he created both. I do not believe for a second that God is cruel or malicious. Get this he WANTS to bless you!! he really really does.

Trust

Thats all I can say.

Please do not think for a second that I am being condescending...I do not mean to be that way at all.

I just really want to encourage you. Stay strong, and hold the faith. God always comes through on his promises.

This post is directed at someone...and you know who you are [at least you should]

there is someone out there for you! and he is amazing!! never ever give up yourself to anyone less worthy, you are a priceless jewel in the eyes of God and in my eyes too...and in Gods time, that bloke who agrees with us will rock up. I am sorry that Gods watch ins't syncronised with yours, but hold fast.

I love you more than you know.

Be all that you can be, through Gods grace and love!

overview...[blessings]

2006-12-02T13:23:00.000+11:00

I'm back home in Forster. I have been for at least the last 2 weeks and I'll be here for at least another week.

Dad is on long service leave, so mum and dad packed up the car and have hit the road and they're travelling to a few of the nooks and crannies around Australia. Thus why I have been called back home, as I explain it, I'm "babysitting my little sister" To which most people who know me will say, "isn't your sister your twin, meaning she's the same age as you?"
The answer to that is indeed Yes.
Mum and dad were worried that Kate would get lonely, and I had no hesitation in coming to visit my best buddy for 3 weeks.

This morning as I stirred, glancing briefly out my bedroom window and guessing the time to be something around 8am, smiling softly at the thought I had beaten my alarm. However it seems the overcast weather deceived me quite effectively as the time was actually 12:30 and somehow I had slept through the alarm without even stirring. Being deceived so early into the day is not the greatest of starts, I would have been more annoyed had I actually had a reason for getting up before the alarm.
Instead I just lay there and it was in that moment that I was overcome with a sadness. Like a blanket it came over me.
I miss all the blessings of Armidale, of my time in Armidale. My friends.
I had left Armidale 2 weeks ago only moments after hugging Laura tightly and swearing to stay in touch. Loz was heading back to her hometown of Orange for the next 3 months and it was very posible that I would have moved away from Armi by the time she returned for her final year of Uni.

I realise that I'm at a big place right now. The decisions that I will be making over the next few months and the decisions I have made over the last few months are determining the course of my life...at least the next stage of my life.

As I look at permanent teaching positions, I have resided myself to the fact that I will probably have to accept something further west into the state, and I am quite confident and comfortable about that. I think, if I have learnt nothing else over the last 4 years it is this;

God is a truely gracious and merciful God. He always has the best for me and if I fight him less and trust him more, in time, I will see that what he offers me is what I really need and want.

I look back on the last 4 years and I can see Gods blessings all over it.When I think about how I would worry, how often during that first year I felt so alone and so hopeless. The time spent in prayer pleading with him to grant me real and authentic friendships...to grant me peace in Armi

Anyone who knows me well knows that for probably the first year of Armidale I couldn't wait to get out. And now as I sit at the tail end of my adventure I will be pained to leave.

I know that Armidale was exactly where God wanted me to be - in faithfulness I followed him there trusting that everything he promised me would come into being. Believe me when I say these things I am not trying to make myself into some sort of loyal saint. Rather to the contrary, I followed God there and in my heart of hearts I trusted him, but during the whole journey I often lacked faith and I often lacked the stamina...praise God I did make it, praise God that he gave me the strength I needed when I needed it. When what he probably really wanted to do was give me a good clonk over the head [I'm sure there were times when he did, as all good fathers should] Heck knows that for at least half the journey I was like that whingey kid in the back seat whining with "Are we there yet?!!!"

Whining didn't get me there any quicker and I can see that now. But sometimes it's easier to pretend to be a victim than to stand tall, be confident and know it's all going to work out beautifully, sometimes as faithful as God has always been, we need him to prove himself once more.

I can still remember what it was that proved to me once and for all that God was with me all the way. It was the break-up with Aaron. I can remember lying on my bedroom floor in flat 28 crying so hard that it hurt, crying untill tears ran dry and all that was left were dry, breaking sobs.
I can remember that as I lay there and just cried I knew, in the midst of all of that despair...God was there, I knew that he lay there beside me, he didn't speak he just cried with me.
When i awoke the next morning and pulled myslef off the floor where I had fallen asleep I was filled with a confidence I cannot describe, a confidence that God was with me for the long haul. Where people had fallen short and let me down, he never did and he never has.

It was as though the plug was pulled, and with that realisation came a clear flow of blessing.

I think that in order for me to really appreciate the things he had for me, I needed to realise that the greatest of all was simply his presence. I still earnestly believe that.

So as I prepare myself to possibly leave armidale at the dawn of the new year I want to say thankyou. I want to pray blessing and prosperity and joy and love in Jesus name over all those friends in Armidale who were nothing less than pure and holy and righteous blessings of God into my life. Who spoke love and life into me. Who invested and were invested in. Leaving armidale is not the end...far from it dear friend. You are my brothers and sisters, the bond we have runs thicker than blood and I will spend the rest of my life investing in what you are, what you do and who you become.

Thankyou dear dear, Laura, Felicity [fless], Rhen, tess, Wae-jae, Timmy, Timmi, Alex, Dan, Brit, Suzie, Sam, Bron, Siovahn, kerry, Christine, Dave, Nick, Nicole, Bec, Bree.

Also I want to thank you who I include in my Armidale bunch, because while you may not have physically been in Armidale you were also what helped me through, you too spoke the truths and blessings into my life and I want to include you in all the thankyou's and blessings - Paul, Bec, Mon, Kate [and my whole family], Belle, Rea, Jess.W.

But the biggest thankyou of All goes to the big dude, J.C.

You have given me incredible friends, and a beautiful and amazing fiance Tim
I love you, I trust you...even though sometimes it's hard when I face the future. I believe your promises and place all my hope in you...

Matthew 6:25
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

More.

2006-11-23T15:30:00.000+11:00

Well since some of you find the wedding preperations interesting, and since I myself find the wedding preperations interesting, I thought I would share some more of them.

It seems that over the last few days through discussions with katie, that a basic theme has emerged.

A shabby chic style, but with bolder colours. Drawing inspiration from vintage, classic, sort of vibes.

The central decorative piece is indeed still the peacock feathers. Deciding to use the Central rich Royal blue as the major colour.

Pearls will play a large part in the day, seen throughout quite a few of the details. Including the bridesmaids and my jewelly, which are set to be made by my incredibly talented sister Katie.

The bridesmaids will still be in the black cocktail dresses with the Royal blue sash. Bouquet?

Well the bridesmaids are set to carry a simple bunch of Iris's...

As for myself. I will of course be in white, with a simple bunch of Calla Lillies, with a couple of peacock feathers in the mix.

The Key colours are set to be;

I'll fill you in more as I get better pictures and all that jazz...

[aplologies that the whole thing is still very patchy...at the moment the vision is nearly entirely in our heads...it's just getting it out in a visual way thats tricky...we'll get there :P]

Art Spotters

2006-11-16T01:58:00.000+11:00

I've had a few questions about the large Painting of the Sunflower, seen in the photo's taken of the flat decorated for Christimas.
In answer to your questions, yes I do think it's lovely, and hopefully I would since I'm the artist :P
Apologies for the quality of the image here, it was taken on a camera phone, and the blue bit in the bottom right corner isn't actually part of the painting, it's a bit of christmas decoration which got in the way.

I am trying to get back into my art, and I just wanted to say thatnkyou to those of you who commented on MSN about how much you liked it, even before you knew you had to brown nose to me :P
Your beautiful

Maths Equation

2006-11-16T01:48:00.000+11:00

What does

One guitar

+ One Amp

+ One guitar Stand

+ One guitar case and Strap

= ???

$50 acoording to the guy Timmy bought this kit, for me, off today!
Oh how I love a good bargain!

Already?!!

2006-11-16T00:36:00.000+11:00

Christmas already!!

I know it's early, But since I head back to Forster on Saturday, Timmy was gracious and let me decorate his flat early :D
Some of the best fun I've had in a long time.

Laura then came out and we had a whimsical chat under the christmas tree lights. Over the course of the conversation Laura mentioned "Gee I wonder where the whole idea of the Christmas tree came from..."
To which, (due to last years research) I was able to say..."Well actually..."

This launched into a big discussion about How commercialised Christmas has become and how sad it is that just spending the holidays with Family and friends just isn't enough for some people anymore.
God sent his son to earth, the greatest gift we could ever hope for, that son walks as man, completely man (yet without sin) he lives a life of worship and justice, and then he dies the death of a sinner, all so we don't have to live as the scum we earnt the role of. Instead, we can live in righteousness and walk out in victory...
...And yet, after all of that, after the greatest gift has already been given, knowing that no gift can ever possibly surpass it,... sometimes....just sometimes we still manage to get lost in the chaos of a commercialised christmas, a christmas that tells us we have to get the BEST presents, the BEST decorations, The BEST of everything, or else christmas is crap.
...
Well let me just say, that I think thats crap.
...
It's times like these that I'm reminded why we are enemies with the world, So in my loyalty to J.C. I'm going against the world on this one...

This year, all I want for Christmas are my family and friends...and maybe some photos to remember it by.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder...

I love you guys, enjoy the holiday season, Theres a birthday to celebrate!!
OH!!...

and let yourself get silly once in a while.

$2.95!!!!

2006-11-14T12:35:00.001+11:00

Gosh I love a good bargain!
And as I was shuffling through the reduced bucket at Sportsgirl I managed to snaffle a gooden. $2.95 for this little number.

I'm not a huge hat person, but this was just too cute, and too cheap to pass up.

Also, to make me even happier, apparantly it was supposed to be $7.95, but someone must have labelled it incorrectly, and thus they had to give it to me for the advised price :D :D

bargains make me so happy!!

[Had a quick look through my wardrobe today and realised I haven't paid full price for anything in there...Oh yes, I know how to bargain shop, wanna learn the tricks then you should hit the shops with me sometime ;) ]

Race Day

2006-11-14T12:07:00.000+11:00

Last Tuesday, as I'm sure we all know, was Melbourne Cup - the race that stops a nation.

I was woken at 12pm by a message from Timmi reading; "So...it's race day, we getting spruced up and going somewhere?"

I quickly chat to my Timmy, followed by a message sent back to Timmi and within an hour we're all decked up and headed down to the Wicklow for Melbourne Cup fever.

The group of us ended up being Timmy, Myself, laura, Timmi, Steve and Annabell.

Can I just say that it was so nice to see the boys in suits. I don't think a guy ever looks as good as when he's scrubbed up and in a suit. My three boys were no exception. Plus add to that the treatment, it was as though the old time suits brought out old-time treatment of the ladies...to which my feminist mind was not at all complaining about. Everywhere we went the boys escourted us around by linking our arm through theirs, they opened doors, pulled out chairs - it's was fabulous!!

As for the race itself...none of us were winners.
I had gone for Number 3: Railings...Timmi had joined me,
My timmy had gone Ice Chariot- which laura whole heartedly agreed with, announcing to us all that it was going to win for sure...No doubt about it.
Annabell and Steve had gone for number 16...whatever that horse was [no idea, they had chosen it for the number and either way...it didn't place ;) ]

The Railings Pickers...Timmi & I*

The 'Ice Chariot' Barackers...Timmy and laura

The Number 16 backers, Annabel and Steve

For the record, after all of laura's ravings about ice chariot, it came 22nd, out of 23 horses...it was hilarious!

But what a great day was had...Oh and I even have photo's [Yes, Yes, I am good to you ;) ]

*apologies for my pic...the only one for the day was when Timmy was trying to annoy me :P so it'll do

input is good...

2006-11-09T13:18:00.000+11:00

Again I apologise to all the people who have to read this and really don't care.

I was brainstorming some bridesmaids Ideas with the influence of my mum to get some of this done.
Basically I don't want anything to fancy or over the top. The whole mood of the event is suppose to be relaxed.
When I caught a glimpse of this dress I thought it was beautiful and really what I was thinking when it came to the bridesmaids.
Simple, cocktail dress.

The colours however would be different. The thoughts Tim and I have had is that the groomsmen would be in Black suits, black shirts and royal blue ties. So the concept emerged of having the maids in black cocktail dresses with royal blue sash, complete in a bow at the back.
bringing some Uniformity to the bridal party. Then I would be in my white, Tim in the black shirt, black shirt and White tie.

The thought was to buy the black dresses for the girls and then simply purchase some thick satin ribbon from Spotlight and do the tie ourselves.
Had a quick squiz around and there are black cocktail dresses everywhere!!

Of course we're keeping the Peacock feather theme, with this Blue coming from the very very centre of the feathers.

So the overall look should be something like;

Bridesmaids

Groomsmen

Next time I'll try and keep my posts more interesting.

Arty-Farty-Pets

2006-11-05T22:11:00.000+11:00

Man!! as I sit here I feel incredibly light headed. I realised about five minutes ago that I've had something close to 5 glasses of coke today. Plus a friend of Tims visited from Tamworth so we headed over to the "White Bull" for a beer. Beer on an empty belly will have your head spinning pretty quick (especially if your a light weight like me) but a good meal and 6 hours and that was sorted. Right now I think that I might be suffering from a serious sugar overload. :P

But all of that aside, what I really came on here to share was Kate and my shinnanigans last weekend.

I can generally gurantee some sort of laugh a minute entertainment when Kate's nearby...

So, with nothing but our cheeky grins as a clue, take a moment to guess just what we may have gotten up to last wekend gone...

...

..

.

We painted the cat!!

Did you guess it?!!

Kate visited Armie for Tims 21st and Saturday morning, bored and with nothing but a "midnight Blue" permanent hair dye to ammuse us, katie and I spent the morning chasing Dizzy around the flat painting stripes all over him so he ended up looking like a blue and white Tiger.

Took a bit of getting use to. And quite a bit of us saying "Geez I wish we'd used black"
But now, a week after I'm actually glad we used Blue. had we used black I think it would have been easy to think that it was his natural colouring.
Instead he looks like an Arty-farts cat. And I think he looks unreal!

Wedding

2006-11-03T11:58:00.000+11:00

I realise that for some of you, you cannot think of anything worse than listening to me ramble about the wedding plans, however since these are the most interesting happenings in my life currently, they my dear reader, will be what I shall share with you.

The date has been booked. 6th of October, 2007.
I'm so grateful to my mum for being on top of everything. Had we not booked this far in advance, there is no way at all, that we would have gotten what we wanted, where we wanted it and when we wanted it.

So far, what we do know is this;

The ceremony will be held at the Green Cathedral. A gorgeous open air church right on the waters of wallace lake. It's always been a little dream of mine to get married there, so it is exciting that it will be happening.

The reception will be held across in Forster, at the Wharf Bar and grill. Which has this glorious sort of verandah which overlooks the lake. From the second I saw it I was pretty smitten. It is a restaurant on the second level of the building and for the night, they would close it off completely to the wedding. The venue is complete with seating for up to 100, as well as a complete dance floor and sound system.

The Plan is for the whole affair to be fairly low key, relaxed. With 80 people total. Buffet, and a Brassery of sorts. No formal seating plan, the tables will be decorated and arranged (as would be expected) however, we've decided that we would prefer for people to decide where and with whom they would like to sit.

Theme?
Peacock feathers. Already idea's are being formulated, with Kate giving me some amazing idea's.
One that we're both pretty keen on is this;

This is all so pink I nearly wanted to puke. But now imagine Peacock feathers instead of the Pink Ostrich feathers. And blue instead of pink (barf) everywhere note: I'm not planning on all the frilly stuff, just talking the feather vase centrpieces here ;)

The bridesmaids;
Katie (maid of Honour)
Rea
Belle
Jess.W. (go the J team)

I'm sure I will update you soon ;)
xoxo

A Long Overdue Update

2006-10-20T00:23:00.000+10:00

As I sit here and type this now, I glance to my right a soft chuckle escaping me as I watch the white furry outline of Dizzy chase a march fly across the window sill. His front paws patting the glass, before his nose moves in to nudge the fly lightly before attempting to devour it in one smooth motion. But alas the fly escapes out the open window.

It's been a rather large weekend and I cannot help but feel slightly exhausted now it all being said and done.
Thursday the 12th of October saw Timmy and I heading to Queensland to stay with his Mum and Step-dad for the weekend.
Tim was sharing a 21st party with his cousin Jess on the saturday, thus why we had made the 6 hour car treck to be there. I absolutely adore Tims Parents and therefore felt completely at ease spending the weekend in their company.
By thursday night we were to tired to really do anything and so just pottered around the place. Gere and Richard (The folks) live on this beautiful property where you wake up to the sound of birds, and regularly see koala's napping in the trees. , yet only need to travel about an hour to get to the very heart of Brisbane. It was nice to be able to enjoy the quiet and rest easy for a while.
I knew it was going to be a biggen weekend, I already felt slightly nervous at the prospect of meeting Tims extended family in their entirety.

Friday saw us heading across to the Direct factory Outlet, for some retail therapy. It was just a really nice day of leisurely walking about with Timmy and his mum. In fact can I say it was one of those days when I just felt so relaxed, so comfortable to and happy. The conversation was free and fun - full of playfulness and joy. By the end of the evening, as Tim and I sat in his parents loungeroom - They bid us goodnight and headed to bed while timmy and I sat and chatted and laughed, and there was definitely alot of the long glances into each others eyes as I tried to remember the last time I'd felt that happy!
Tim stood with the words "I'll be right back" and headed into the kitchen. I heard him rustling about in the bags and convinced myself that he was grabbing a couple of Freddo frogs for us. He wandered back into the room, shoving what I thought were the Freddo's into his back pocket. He came and stood just in front of me, and leaned over to give me a soft kiss on the forehead. "How much do you love me?" he asked, to which I responded "Heaps" He then reached into his back pocket, and I expected him to hand me my Freddo, but instead a small Navy blue box comes into view. As he gently opens it, he sinks onto one knew and asks, "Will you marry me?"

...Shock...

For at least the first minute or so all I was able to say was "Oh my goodness...I didn't even see this coming...how could I not have seen this coming?..."
He must have been so nervous and my failure to answer the question must have only added to it :P
running through my head was the question "What would mum and dad think?" their opinion on such things means the world to me.
Knowing me too well Timmy says right at that moment "And don't worry, I asked your parents permission about 2 weeks ago and they're pretty excited about it..."

it's crazy, it's all crazy. All this coming from the guy who I boasted on the fact that he could never surprise me...I've since been forced to eat my words. He surprised me big time, plus add to that, my parents, brother and sister, his parents all knew about it....

So yes, as of 10pm Friday night I am a newly engaged woman. Timmy and I sat and prayed on the friday night, that God would lead us through this transition and as we head into this new stage of our relationship. We're both headed into unchartered territory, so we'll both be learning and growing together, it's all rather exciting and I couldn't be happier. I love Tim so much I trust him completely and we're easily the best of friends.

The ring some of you may be asking...is a Triangle cut blue sapphire with a string of diamonds lining 2 of the 3 edges, in a band of white gold. It's beautiful, and a perfect fit - Timmy did well. :)

Saturday saw us heading to Tims 21st at his Auntie Maureens place. Had an absolute blast, his entire family took me in straight away and were just too adorable and lovable. The engagement was announced at the end of the evening, quickly followed by the men giving timmy a firm handshake and slap on the back while all the woman running to me for a hug and squiz at the ring. This has proven to be a fairly consistant behaviour. :D

Sunday Tim and I headed to Dreamworld, and after months of planning I was able to return the surprise factor by taking Tim on his Tiger Photo session. We got 15 minutes with the opportunity to actually pat a real Tiger, complete with the "Now remember while these tigers are tamed, they ARE still wild animals, so at no point should you touch their face, head or paws, instead give them plenty of firm pats along there back" in later discussions we both chuckled over the fact that they hadn't mentioned anything about the testicles and decided that if there was any way you were going to be booted from the park, then grabbing a tigers testicles was definitely the way to go. Assuming you survived the encounter then it would make for a pretty handy ice-breaker/conversation starter, Of course being mauled was probably the more likely conclusion :P
We ended up getting to spend our time with Mohan, the king of the pack and lets just say it was amazing...Timmy was stoked and I got the warm fuzzies just by looking at the absolute Joy on his face.

The rest of the day was spend wandering about Dreamworld, enjoying each others company and having laugh after laugh as we relaxed in the glorious Gold Coast weather.

And so at the end of the busy weekend, here I am back in Armidale, happy, contented and already receiving excited phonecalls from mum with suggestions for wedding and reception...

Rough date, the 6th of October 2007, pencil it in ;)

Melancholy

2006-10-10T16:43:00.000+10:00

I'm back in Armidale.
I'm definitely hitting a low point. I feel so flat, so tired and on the verge of tears so much of the time.

I think my head and heart knows that I have some huge decisions to make within the next couple of months and it scares me.

I know that God has my teaching position already waiting for me, but I still worry.

I'm tired of giving...
Tired of feeling walked on and yet as exhausted as I am I still put myself in a place where I allow it to happen.
It doesn't seem to matter what I say either...the trampling continues.

I had a dream last night...

I was standing in the middle of a crowded shopping centre, the people were moving past me, some of them pumping me lightly as they passed. I started to scream, to scream as loud as I could, till it burnt my throat. And yet no one responded, everyone just kept on with wherever they were going and whatever they were doing...

I woke up feeling as though perhaps that isn't so far from the truth.

I don't want to sound like a whiney victim. Because I'm not.
I'm not a victim, I am redeemed and restored to victory.
But life and emotions still get hard sometimes.
They're hard now.

Angels En Masse

2006-10-05T16:00:00.000+10:00

Every so often life decides to add some excitement to my dreary day to day exsistance :P
Nah, who am I kidding, life keeps me on my toes all the time, and life with God should really do nothing less.

Lets just say that on Monday afternoon, there was a small army of angels watching Tim and my Back.

Saturday night Tim headed down from Armidale to once and for all prove that he was capable of something spontaneous while also proving me wrong in the "You could never surprise me" department.
It worked, I was surprised and had no idea at all.

He brought his dad with him, they both rode on seperate bikes and stayed the night at our place. On Sunday Tims Dad, Russel headed back to Sydney, while Tim stayed on another night here in Forster.

Saturday was spend hooning around Forster on Dickies Sportsbike [which Tim had borrowed for the weekend]. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as we screamed down the road at 150ks...was awesome!

Mum and Dad headed off for the weekend, leaving us kids with full run of the house. Grabbed at case of Cruisers and Carlton Blacks and sat around the place having a good yarn and a laugh. Invited Belle around but the woman Piked on us! Shame Belle! SHAME!! :P

Monday, Timmy was set to head back to Armidale, but before he headed off we decided to take one last ride round Forster. Right as we were about to leave Dad and Mum arrived home and in true father Braybrook fashion, out came the camera and captured a couple of these happy snaps.

With that, Tim and I headed out on the bike.
As we headed up towards main Beach, there was this little Mazda sitting in the middle of it's lane, no indicator, no breaklights, no sign of what it was going to do, Tim slowed as we apprached, but it gave no indication at all as to what it was doing, so we headed to pass it, and right as we sat side by side, it started to turn, hitting the bike.

All I can say is that Tim was Amazing. We should have fallen over, but he managed to re-balance and keep us upright. But more than that God was definitely watching over us.

We pulled over and the guy in the other car was adament that he hadn't done anything wrong, he even went so far as to claim that he was indicating...funny that two of us missed it.
And yes...Yes he was a tourist. Anyone who knows me well, knows how I carry on about the tourists who overrun my hometown on a regular holiday basis, they annoy the bejeebers outta me. And now, I'm fairly sure Tim will be joining me in my annoyance. ;)

Can I just say here that I was so proud of the way Tim handled the whole situation, the other bloke was standing over him, doing everything he could to try and intimidate and never for a second admitting that he had done anything even remotely wrong, yet Tim kept his cool, never acted disrespectful just took the needed information and swore to sort it all out and get in contact soon.

Though others may have seen his behaviour as being totally in control, I knew him well enough to know that he wasn't holding it all together as well as he seemed to be. I could tell he was stressed and he was feeling fairly flustered.

I had a good chat to his mum about it later and as it turns out, after he left Forster to head back to Armie, he had to pull over to throw up, coz he's been so worked up about it all.

After talking about it since, Tim says that it was because he couldn't believe he'd put me in so much danger, but as I explained to him, he never forced me to ride with him, that I've always and still always feel safe with him because he's a great rider and if anything it was my fault because I was the one who wanted to go for the ride that day.

The damage to the bike isn't too bad, couple of hundred to have it resprayed, and things are being sorted out with the other bloke.

we've all agreed that God definitely had his angels out watching us on Monday afternoon...
The only injury was my foot.
Tim hasn't seen it yet, because I know he'll feel bad (when it's not his fault)
But to be honest I'm kinda proud of my bruise...afterall, how many people can say that their foot has been hit by a car?!!

Photographic Proof of Classroom Adventures.

2006-09-21T18:29:00.000+10:00

I ran the whole day today.
Susie was away sick and being quite adjusted to running the whole shabbang at little to no notice, I managed to handle today well enough. Rather than being annoyed I actually rather enjoy the days when I'm left to my own devices, I can pretend that I'm a real teacher and this little mob of raggamuffins are my very own class.

I'm very quickly approaching the final week of my internship. Since starting my prac I've been running my own dance group during sport time and tomorrow we add the music, being some old school Jars of Clay with 'Liquid'. I enjoy my little dance troupe, and it's been something that I've been able to add to the school during my time there.

I am getting to the point of bittersweet realisation. The finish line is so close that I can see it, not so distant on the horizon. But also close enough to realise just how much these kids have really worked their way into my heart, I'm going to miss them so much!

Currently I'm working on some bracelets for the little tikes. The girls will be getting brightly coloured beads while the boys are getting leather straps with black beading. To complete my little gift each child is going to get a personalised letter which I really want to pour out affirmation for who they are and the incredible person that God has made them to be.

This Prac has been amazing, not just proffessionally and educationally, but it has really penetrated me on a level I can't describe...God has worked within me and challenged & grown me. But above all he has shown his faithfulness and loving, nurturing heart which cares for all aspects of my life, all the little things AND the big things.

He truely is an awesome father.

This pic was taken yesterday, the kids were taking photos of one another for a project. One of them wanted one of me, I tried desperately yo avoid it, and eventually the kids grabbed me and hopped in the photo too. After the pic was taken Zoe turns to me with the sweetest little smile and says " Sucked in...your in the photo" I couldn't help but laugh, They're all gorgeous!!

[from the left] Sarah, Cameron[at back], Zoe, [a tiny snippet of] Jess.H. and Myself.

Loved.

2006-09-17T17:34:00.000+10:00

Another Birthday come and gone.

Friday saw me heading to school as per usual. Upon arrival I was bombarded with Happy kids from my class wishing me happy birthday and giving great big beautiful hugs. Aaron had me in hysterics as he serenaded me with his updated version of happy birthday, complete with air guitar solo and high screechy finale.
They are such an incredibly beautiful bunch of kids, who I am going to miss so very much.
They organised a surprise party for me, which I was ever so slightly clued into, due to the fact that they're not quite as sneaky as they like to think they are...either that or I'm just too dang clever ;)

But I acted surprised and we had a great afternoon together grooving and eating. They're a cute bunch of munchikins.

So my day at school ended and I headed home. Tim couldn't make it down as he had to work all day/evening in Armie. Though dad booked us into the Hogs Breath for dinner. Can I hear a "Yummo!"?

So I enjoyed my 22nd birthday in the company of my favourite people...my family. I can't really remember the last family affair we've had when all five of us have been present. So this was nice...really nice.

We ordered. Mum and dad even bought cocktails for the Birthday girls which was just a golden touch. I couldn't resist a touch of cheekiness and just had to order the "Sex on the Beach"
However I must admit that I was ever so slightly dissapointed when mum made no reaction whatsoever, dad however sat with this slightly ammused, forced concerned look.
"Hows Tim going to feel knowing that you had sex on the beach tonight?"...
yeah he's a funny fellow.

Afterwards we headed home and blew out the candles on a Pavlova and Caramel choc-cream tart.
Hmmmmhmm...
al in all, a fantabulous birthday was had.
Add to that, it was a nice touch to find a heap of messages on my mobile when I jumped back in the car.

Thankyou to all of you who wished me a happy birthday, I appreciate your love so much!

2 weeks left of my internship and then it's all over red rover. Yes I am excited :D

ooooh

2006-09-12T13:18:00.001+10:00

OH!
and can you believe I nearly didn't mention it?!

This friday will also see the 6 month anniverssary of Timmy and I.

To be perfectly honest I can't believe it's only been 6 months...feels as though we've been together alot longer than that.

We have some great times together and I look forward to so many more.
I think one of my favourite things is that while we do disagree and we do fight sometimes, neither one of us is ever too proud to admit when we're wrong. And there is always a sorry not too far away when we've hurt each other, unintentional as the hurting may be. Theres a lot of respect in our relationship and that makes it amazing.

I miss him terribly. Can I say that without making anyone want to slap me? I do love him. and he's become so very important to me.

I look forward to when we don't have 3 hours of road between us. But while I don't think absence makes the heart 'fonder'...I do think that it helps you realise what it is you really want.

I know what I want...I want another 6 months with Timmy, then another 6 months then another and another and another...and you get the jist.

Big day friday...lots of anniversaries ;)

Survival.

2006-09-12T12:50:00.000+10:00

can you believe I made it!! :P
Susie was away today with a sick/off Day. I couldn't help feeling a little 'put on the spot' about it all. Apparantly susie knew for about a week and only informed me about it 5 minutes before I left school yesterday. Of course I have to prove that I'm flexible and willing to 'have a go no matter what' well of course I said "Sure, no worries".

Woke up this morning and felt as thought I could very well be dead by lunchtime.
But HA! I went to school anyway - it's one thing to not want to go to school, another when your going to be the teacher. ;)

So I toughed it out. Truth be told they're supposed to employ a casual teacher, and shouldn't legally be able to relly on me to run the whole day, but I did. I was it, the teacher. They saved some serious money (about 250 bucks a day for casual teachers) and I won't even see a cent. Depressing hey!
Working so hard.
At least once I'm teaching I'll have a pay cheque to look forward to. Untill then I continue with the poor uni student lifestyle...a lifestyle which places me in the top 5% of the world merely because I CAN go to Uni...
Believe me, I'm not taking this for granted.
I'm nearly there, nearly finished, just 3 weeks to go and I am free to teach, and be paid. I will finally be a professional teacher!

This Friday is the first anniversary of my 21st Birthday!!
Kate and I were considering a party, but to be perfectly honest I just do not have the energy to really chuck a bash. Tell you what though, I could go a couple of drinks at the end of this week.

Though actually as I type this, I'm really getting into the mood to do something nice. Maybe grab some buddies over and do some food and drinks...and cake hmmmm...everyone loves cake :D

Lets chat Belle, if your interested in joining the festivities, Hales, Monty, wheres Maclod these days?

Timmy may be able to make it down for the weekend. No promises from him and no pressure from me. I'll be back in Armidale in about 3 weeks, and while it's hard being so far apart, it's understandable - I'm working prac and he's working 2 jobs. We've just gotta do the best we can. This time will make us appreciate the time we do have together so much more.
and he's worth it. We're worth it.

sorry, I know this is boring, but for now...this is my life ;)

MILKO!!!

2006-09-05T21:52:00.000+10:00

allow me to introduce Milko!
I adore him so much. He was a gift from my brother Matt for my 21st - which I am due to celebrate the first anniversary of, in another 10 days.
I'll quite often fall asleep cuddling him...he's absolutely beautiful.

I know...I'm lame :P

2006-09-05T14:24:00.000+10:00

I can hardly believe that its week 7.
I am literally 3 weeks and 3 days away from completing my final Prac EVER!
it's exciting, and while I would expect to feel that usual nervousness about my future wanderings, for this point in time, there are none.
none...
I don't feel nervous all I feel is excitement. I can go anywhere....
I received a letter in the mail from UNE which was to inform me that I am placed within the top 15% of undergraduate students at our university. bit of a shock really, but exciting. I don't know for sure, but mum suggested that if I am indeed in the top 15 percent then there is a pretty good chance that, come the end of this placement, I'll be a targetted teacher - Gosh I hope so!

Man, I really have to apologise for the lack of interesting info I've been sharing of late. I just find that while I'm on this internship I really don't have a whole lot of interesting things going on in my life...so so sorry.
I'm wracking my brain trying to think of anything interesting I could add.

Well...lets see...

For the last 6 weeks, at least - I've been gyming it. I am now an addict of 'Body Pump' Kez (one of the instructors) informed me that it's the quickest way to actually change your body shape - and heck knows I need to do that :P !
apparantly through the process used, the muscles actually tear, and then rejuvinate themselves, quite literally 'changing' your shape.
But googily-gosh - I'm getting muscles :D :D HA! it's exciting.

I'm looking forward to the end of prac as my social calender shall be a little grander than of late.
Becs Hens night in Sydney is looking to be on the 7th of October, Tims 21st in QLD will be on the 14th, plus on the 15th I'll be taking the lad to dreamworld and thats as much as he knows...there shall be surprises. Tims mum has come on board as an allie and it's going to be fantastic - I just know he's going to love it. I shall inform you later as you just never know who may be reading this ;) and we don't want to ruin surprises now do we ;) Becs wedding on the 4ths of November, adn Mons around January 4th...I love weddings :D :D

but alas I shall go...
more to come people...I promise (If anyone is still reading this of course :P)

bittersweet pennings

2006-09-02T13:18:00.001+10:00

the 25th of this month saw us realising that it has been exactly 1 year since we lost Lauchie from this earth and he went to dwell with God.
The pain still lingers, and the tears still flow.

A week after the 1 year realisation we received a package from Lauchies mum. It contained a CD single by Lauchlans brother Brayden, dedicated to Lauchies memory. Needless to say it had me absolutely balling as I listened - so much is still raw, but the hope resides in the knowledge that he IS with God and we WILL see him again.

Accompanying the CD was a letter from Jillian (Lauchies Mum) which once again had the water works switched on. The grief is still very much flowing in that family, but there is a faith and hope there, which I wanted to share with you.

"Dear Special Friends,
It has been a year since our beloved son Lauchlan went home to be with the Lord. His death was very sudden and mysterious and even now the findings of the doctors are inconclusive. It is very difficult to understand how and why this happened.
So we continue on in our faith. Faith that God is who he says he is - the sovereign Lord. Faith that he knew Lauchlan as His child and was there bringing him into eternity. And faith that he loves our family and He can restore us and teake us on to finish our journey.

So we have been taking small steps towards Jesus often in much pain and sorrow.
I honour my husband Peter for going back to work to provide for his family and continuing to be the kind and giving husband and father he has always been. But most of all for opening his heart to Jesus in a very difficult and confusing time.
I honour my daughter Tegan for the courage to go back to University to finish the year and for continuing to serve and be a blessing in Gods house.
I honour my son Bayden for following his dreams for Kayaking even when it was lonely on the lake training and for filling our house with music.
I honour my extended family for sharing the pain, crying with us and not being afraid to talk and walk along this difficult road together. Without you it would be a treacherous road indeed.

Again we thank our friends in Forster for your gift of love in making Lauchlans memorial service so compleete.
To Lauchlans friends and collegues in Armidale we cherish your friendship and support of our son.
I have been reading lots of books about grief and heaven and searching the Bible because that's where part of my heart is now and a mum has to check out where he son is hanging out. I wanted to share a couple of ideas with you.

"For the christian death is not the end of adventure but a doorway from the world where dreams and adventures shrink to a world where dreams and adventures forever expand", Randy Alcorn

Lauchlan has been born anew into an inheritance which is beyond the reach of change and decay. unsullied and unfading. Reserved in Heaven for us. 1 Peter 1v. 4

The Most difficult thing for us is letting go of our precious son and his life and future here on earth. Every now and then God whispers to my heart and I write a poem reflecting the pain, love and hope in our God. I would like to share one with you.

More
What makes me think I could give you more
More than Father God
Who owns the cattle on a thousand hills
Who prepared Heaven for us.

What makes me think I could love you more
More than God
Whose nature is love
And sent Jesus his son for us

And what makes me think I could hold on to you
When you were never mine
you were a gift from God
His creation, His child.

I think your life has been cut short
Your dreams not fulfilled
But what do I know of eternity
And purposes God has revealed.

For you have more life, fulfillment and love
In the presence of the King
You're no longer in the shadowland
You have the real thing.

Finally I look forward to the day when I enter heaven for I will see Jesus and my beautiful son will be there too, to meet me.
And God has promised to wipe every tear from our eyes; There will be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. Revelations 21v. 4

Love Jillian and Peter"

Out of all the pain and sorrow, flows hope.
Lauchies father was not a Christian, yet since Lauchies death he has offered his heart to Lord and has now joint the rest of his family in their walk. Praise God - they will be a family once more in Paradise!

Canberra

2006-09-02T13:18:00.000+10:00

Its been a while since I've posted, as I've been somewhat blocked from internet access, for the last week at least, as I headed off to Canberra with my year 6 class for their yearly excursion. Great great fun.
We did all the touristy things and headed along to alot of education spots like Parliament house, Questacon, The war memorial, CSIRO, National Gallery, Australian Museum.
Funny moment of the trip was trying to convince Rodney to stop swinging on his chair as he sat bored in front of "Blue Poles" By Jackson Pollock. The tour guide was getting incredibly nervous as she explained that the painting was worth around 116 Million dollars. We had a good laugh about it later, as we envisioned him doing a forward flip into the painting before knocking it off the wall....
I bonded with the kids in a big way, which was fantastic. It was fun to be able to interact with the kids in a more natural and relaxed environment. I'm more convinced than ever that I probably will cry on my last day of the internship. These kids have so much character, charm and cheek - that I'm just going to miss them so much!!

We also had a snow day while we were there, and headed out to the slopes of Perisha Blue for a day with a bunch of Toboggans. I am extremely proud to say that I am now the proud owner of the Track champion title. Successfully knocking Jase (Mr Reed) from his throne - Go The Girls!!!

We arrived home at around 10pm last night, and as much fun as I had on the trip I am glad to be home, glad to be in my own bed and able to sleep in for the first time in a long time.

Kids are pretty amazing. I'm not planning on any of my own for a while yet, but there is such a blessing in their company - in their innocence and cheekiness...

God has blessed me in my passions - I love teaching, I love the responsibility I have to these kids and I take it seriously and consider it an incredibly honour.
Thankyou dad.
xoxo

The desire

2006-08-26T16:26:00.000+10:00

the blog posting of a friend really made me think today [which is always a good thing ;)] . I wanted to share my response here;
"
I'm glad that your passions are alive, and I do hope that they stay kindled.
One thing God is showing me more and more is that there are stories to be told wherever you may be.We live in a fallen world, full of broken hearts and lives. Australia in comparison is indeed a wealthy nation, when compared to many this world knows. However if money was all that was required to make this world more bearable then many of it's problems would have been dealt with long ago.Life is never that simple.
For the last 5 weeks and at least the next 5 I have spent my time with a class of 26 students, each one of them, broken in some way - it tears me apart to know that more and more children, in what is considered to be a 'civilised society' deal with issues I never even knew exsisted until I was at least 12. these children are but 11 and they've lived with it their whole lives.Their are children within my classroom who have suffered so much abbuse in so many different ways, children who have known nothing but neglect for at least half of thier lives...and it breaks my heart. It took too long for their plight to be heart, for their stories to be unravelled.
I can appreciate your desire to shoot off to every corner of the globe to capture life, and to change hearts. But I want to encourage you to follow in the heart of the Apostle Paul and practice the art of being content in ALL things, wherever you may be. That doesn't mean you have to let go of your dreams, if anything grip them tighter, but rather I want to encourage you to be ready and willing for God to use you right where you are...
Australia may not suffer the same as other nations, but there are stories to be told and there is a harvest more than ready to be collected.[the Harvest is plenty but the workers are few ;)]
"

I do still have a passion for missionary work, and I do still plan to spent time on the African Mercy ship , working as a teacher and attempting to change something, somehow. But I guess that the more I press into God and the further he takes me down this path of life, the more I realise that it doesn't matter where you go in this world - there are lost everywhere!
There are lives which need the touch of Jesus.

I believe that God has called me to a harvest right here in Australia. Their desperation may not seem as prevalent as those people who have nothing to claim - no food, no clothes, no money. But their soul is just as wanted by the father. If anything, they're flesh is more than ready to wrestle the spirit harder, as they wear their smiles while their souls scream, stiffled by their CD Players and car exhausts.
We live in a society that thinks it has it all and needs nothing else. A society thats more than ready to look after themselves, yet forgets to love their children with, not gifts, but time...
Children who grow up with no father, no mother...not because they fail to walk this earth, but because they're always to busy.

We live in a world of broken hearts, broken lives, who desperately need Jesus. If God loving the children who walk into my classroom, through my life, is all I have to claim when my days here are done, I know it will be enough.
I may not desire a life of showiness or limelight - but I do desire to use it to show young hearts that they matter, that they are NOT forgotten and that there is a plan and father so much bigger than they will ever know, but more than anything that they are desperately and unconditionally loved for exactly who they are...they are not a mistake.
THAT is my hearts desire. And I will do that wherever God moves me. It doesn't start tomorrow...it starts right now.

At School...

2006-08-15T14:54:00.000+10:00

As I type this now, I can hear the presentations of students within my classroom, carrying on behind me. Suzii (my prac teacher) and I have release for two hours every Tuesday afternoon. Today being Tuesday and now being the afternoon - means that this joyful part of the week has indeed arrived.
I spent the last hour working on 3 programming KLA's and now, figuring I've worked hard enough for one day, deserve a bit of a break.

Week 4 of my internship. 6 more to go and it has been decided that I WILL be going with year 6 to Canberra for a week. FANTASTIC! free holiday, just pottering around with the kids for a week, plus no teaching, which means no lesson planning or programming.
I really am enjoying my time here. I worked out my teacher profile, which means I've established the line for students, betweeen being their friend and being their teacher. I actually have them running scared some days when they really try to test the limits. However for majority of the time I get along famously with the kids.
I already have requests from the girls as to what colour earrings I should wear each day.

Tim comes to visit on Thursday, which I'm pretty stoked about - I haven't seen him for a little over a month. Which means that I have another month till the end of my internship. yayaay!

But alas! thats the Bell - time to take some kids to the bus lines.
Have an awesome day and I'll update soon.

Car Pool with Jesus.

2006-08-10T18:08:00.000+10:00

Hmmm...It's funny the way God shows up isn't it.

I finished my day at Prac and Jesus sat waiting for me in the car.

I had an absolute shocker of the day, so drained and strained by everything that went on, we had a student attempt to stab my prac teacher with a pen, before being pulled out of the classroom for the rest of the day. The class going nuts and totally disrespecting a substitue music teacher. I was absolutely mortified by their behaviour, but more than anything; embarassed, because I know they're capable of so much more.
So they copped an ear-full when we went back to the classroom, I ripped into them big time!
we then had maths and they sat and they worked better than they ever have before, they were almost too scared to speak!

so by the time 4pm rolled around and I could head home, I was completely knackered, I wandered ever so slowly to the car, opened the door and plonked myself in the seat. As I started the car and began rolling out of the carpark, without even realising it, I had tears streaming down my cheeks, but the peculiar thing was they were not due to what I would initially think.
I wouldn't have been surprised if the weight of the days events had left me feeling defeated and exhausted, but these tears were for something else.
As I entered the car this afternoon, I had this overwhelming sense of peace and love.
God knew my day, and as I prepared to enter that car, Christ sat there and waited for me. He knew I needed him.
So I spent the car ride home chatting to him and grinning like a lunatic.

I am exhausted, but I'm joyful. Everyday God just shows me again and again, that he has designed me to teach - and I will spend my days attempting to better the gifts he has given me - so long as he keeps on sending the strength I need to do it!

The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.Exodus 15:1-3

Randomness...

2006-08-06T18:24:00.000+10:00

8 weeks left of my internship. Starting this week I move into phase 2, which basically means that I can't fail it! Cools

I am now considered an "Associate Teacher" as opposed to merely being a "Prac Student".

Long distance relationships suck! [2 months till the long distance is gone!]

I'm officially obsessed with Chicken! Yummo!

Matt, Kate and I spent an hour on saturday driving around tuncurry, desperately trying to remember where Amy and Robs place was. We ended up having the best time, laughing as one Magpie tried to peck the bajeebers out of another one, and having a good chuckle at a pair of oldies with matching, broken umbrellas.

I'm missing Smirnoff Double Blacks.

The weekend of the 7th of October, Kate and I are heading to Armidale to celebrate our belated 22nd. If your interested, then you should definitely join us, it's gonna go off! and Belle, you had better believe you'll be coming.

Our church got hit by lightning last night, so this mornings service was without power. Entirely accoustic and entirely captivating worship.

I watched Disney's "Ice Princess" today, and yep - damn those corney disney movies, I got a bit teary towards the end...

Was woken in the wee hours of this morning, by a phonecall from Tim at 3am, we chatted untill at least 4am.

I took advantage of the blackout today by having a my first bath in at least 2 years - complete with candles and lavender bubbles...hmmm, so good.

I was having a seriously bad hair day today, and really didn't have the energy to do anything about it, so I popped on a crimson beanie, tied my hair in piggie-plaits and headed to church.

I have to end this, due to having 4 lessons to plan for tomorrow...

If your willing, prayer would be awesome! I can't wait till I don't have to be graded on this anymore!

love you.
xoxo

Dedication to a real man!

2006-07-25T17:02:00.001+10:00

He makes me so proud!
Words cannot even begin to express _..- The love and respect he pours into my life blows my mind sometimes. I know I've found something amazingly special in this incredible man.
I am so proud of the person he is.
xoxo
With all my love.

It Begins...

2006-07-25T17:02:00.000+10:00

Today being Tuesday means that I have now completed Day 2 of my ten week teaching internship at Taree Christian Community School.

Monday morning, bright and early I was out of bed. The alarm buzzed at around 6:45am to which I let out a mighty groan. I had spent all of sunday feeling relatively calm and even mentioned at one point how I was surprised that I really wasn't nervous. However in true Jessica style it was once I was given an opportunity to really think that I began to worry.
As I lay in bed at 10pm [attempting a good nights sleep, which actually begins before the wee hours of morning] I could not for the life of me sleep. I was nervous...really nervous. True to form Timmy rang and we chatted for a good 45minutes, before he put the foot down and told me to get some sleep. I recited some bible verses which have an history of calming me and I think at around 1pm I finally drifted off.

Monday morning was probably the worst of it. Once you get me talking, I'm pretty chatty, but naturally I'm fairly soft spoken. So as I sat there in the car, in the carpark I felt freakishly close to tears, before I snapped myself out of it and told myself to take a breath "Your gonna be fine!"

In I wandered

And how should the day begin? Well of course God is merciful and of course he had already knew I was going to be nervous, and so of course he wants to calm me...in the best of ways and begins the day with Praise and Worship..."How Great is our God, Sing with me How Great is our God..."

I was feeling better already.

Met my prac teacher, and had a good chance to chat with her today. Can I say that she is absolutely lovely, what I admire most is her humble honesty. I think that I can say with confidence, that she is the fisrt prac teacher who I do not feel, even slightly patronised by. She's also a fantastic teacher.

The students are your typical, and in the staffroom I heard mentions of them being 'difficult' however difficult is not the word I'd use. After the class I shared a room with last Practicum, these kids are by no means hardcore, if anything perhaps a little immature for their age. [but then, who am I to judge :p]

_..- And so tomorrow I teach my first lesson. Honestly I am nervous, but the more I teach, the more I get used to it, and pretty soon I'm right at home.

Wednesday: Handwriting
Thursday: Handwriting, HSIE and Computers
Friday: Art.

It's a scary business heading somewhere that you know no one, and a part of me desperately wants to avoid it. But another part says that I will never reach my dreams if I'm unwilling to change, if I'm unwilling to rock my world and struggle for a while. Nothing worth anything is always going to be easy - and it shouldn't be, because if it is then it requires nothing of me.
But when it gets tough, when I have to dig deep, thats when people see what I'm really made of - and sometimes - yes sometimes I even make myself proud.

I was made for this, and I'm gonna give it all I've got.

Lets share prayers some time.

xoxo

Time...

2006-07-20T14:40:00.000+10:00

In just waiting for this page to load, I realise just how long it has been since I have created a post of any real substance, and I appologise sincerely for the lacking of such for so long.
Lets see shall we...

I have officially moved out of Armidale. As of the 30th of June I am no longer a resident of Wrights Village; anyone who knows me well, knows that I am indeed an incredibly sentimental creature, so yes it was sad to be leaving. After four years living in the place called Wrights Village, the cheaper version of University life I've grown rather attached. If anyone is considering a move to Armidale, and wants a great place to live then I can recommend 'The Village' it's been fun, and it's a bit sad to be leaving it now.

Wrights Village [flats and valleyball court]

So for at least the next 10 weeks I'll be living at home with Mum and Dad. The interesting thing is, that Kate is living with mum and Dad also, and now it seems that Matt is moving back in for a while too. It's all actually rather ammusing, like a circle of life almost. As I find myself coming to a close of this stage in my life, the stage of the student, and preparing myself to step into life as a 'real adult' it's like beginning right where I left off four years ago; living at home with Mum, dad, Kate and Matt. To be perfectly honest, there is something incredibly comforting about that fact, gives me a renewed strength. To know that four years ago I found myself here, terrified, but here I am at the end of it, stronger and happier than ever before - I KNOW that I have what it takes!!

Other happenings...

Right now I'm reading 'The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an ordinary Radical' By Shane Claiborne, and can I just say that it is Fantastic. I find myself so inspired by him and his passion. But more than anything it is his honesty and humble spirit which makes him most appealing as a storyteller. If you get the chance have a squiz.

Also, right now I can't get enough on the Track "Imprint" by Double Drive, from their album 'Blue in the Face' great band - great track.

On Monday I begin my teaching internship. 10 weeks in the primary school system, by the end of it, taking on the whole teaching load, supported by my Prac teacher. It's a scary sort of excitement, knowing that this is my chance to shine, and really show what I've got. Depending on my performance during this internship, is the difference between work and no work. I know I have what it takes!!

what am I missing? Missing Timmy - we celebrated 4 months on Saturday, and he was in town for the the festivities at Belles place as we celebrated Den and Cathy's last night in NSW before they headed back to Melbourne. Was rad to see them here is this state and I look forward to their next visit to our little part of the state.

I'm loving my time with Katie, getting to know Katels all over again. We've always been best friends and I never doubt that we always will be...but living in the same place and having the opportunity to chat on completely transparent levels means that we're reignited that level of closeness that has been lacking slightly over the last few years. I love that time.
In fact I love my time with my family, and I'm more than happy to be here now.
I'm looking for places and hoping to have a deposit on a house by this time next year. So I'm enjoying my time living at home, while I have it.
I am growing up, and being a kid really doesn't feel all that long ago.
But these times are exciting, and I'm glad to be here, and even more thrilled to be adoring it.

Stay beautiful and keep smiling at the day :D

I found my new song...

2006-06-25T17:48:00.000+10:00

Like a band of gypsies We go rolling down the highway
I’ve come a long way riding with my friends They stand beside me When the world’s not going my way
We may be losers but we’re winners in the end

We are undefeated And we’re still believing In the one thing that has gotten us this far
And we can’t be beaten and we’re Standing on shoulders of the ones who went before us
And we’re fighting back with love

Trouble always finds me Everywhere that I go A cloud above me Like a kite upon a string
Here in the valley, the valley I know there is a mountain top Where I can stand and sing

Love conquers all

Undefeated, By Audio Adrenalin

take a listen here...

Altered Realities...

2006-06-20T17:34:00.001+10:00

I Found this email in my sent foulder of my inbox.
Thought I'd share it here...

"Hey...
seems your email slipped under the radar and I had no idea I had
recieved it.

so, stuff about me eh...well if I follow suit and do a sort of sale of
the century style intro also...

I was born on the 15th of September, 1984 in the small birthing ward
of Shalhaven community hospital, but that was not all to occur that
night, for half an hour later my twin and best friend was born. I grew
up in the sticks, a small country town in New South Wales.

At the age of 5 I attended school for the first time, and by the age
of 7 I had decided that "when I grow up" i wanted to be a primary
school teacher, inspired by 2 great teachers in my life.

---Skip ahead a few years---

Now I am 20 years old and just completed my 2nd year of the Bachelor
of Education degree at University, I'm half-way!!

---Plans for the future---
Travel, I want to use my teaching to travel the world, and try and
make it a better place.
I want to volunteer on the African Mercy Ship, not sure for how long,
but it'll happen eventually.

I want to teach all over the world, though I have this incredible
desire to teach in some of the poorest regions of this planet, I
believe that yes we can keep giving them food, we can keep giving them
clothes, OR we can give them knowledge, we can give them education and
therefore, we equip them with the power to break the poverty cycle and
change their world!!

WOW!!

man, i get so passionate about it, I love what I do.

It was great to get your email, and I hope that I will hear from you
again..

I do have one question for you...what are your hopes for the future?

Always
Jess :D"

It's interesting that I wrote those things just 2 years ago. Truth be told I still hold onto those incredible passions, however in the last couple of years God has been working in my heart amazingly. Truth is I still want to do missionary work one day, I still want to adventure on the African Mercy Ship as a voluntary teacher, however I now have a greater passion for being right here, In Australia.
Over the last year or so, God has been revealing more and more the harvest that is ready right here in my very own nation, and to work with the children of this beautiful sunburnt land is an incredible honour and priviledge. I will do the missionary stuff one day, but I no longer see it as my permanant residence, I love Australia, I am so proud to call myself Australian and I more than anything, want to see God glorified right on this very land I stand. For one day he will be glorified from every land of this great earth, and there needs to be willing harvesters everywhere, why not right here, I don't need to go to the other side of the earth to see mighty miracles of salvation.

Ooooh Shiny!!

2006-06-20T17:01:00.000+10:00

seems I'm moving up in the world of Technology...
As of last week I became the proud new owner of a silver, Motorola V3 RAZR. Pretty big step up for the girl who pranced happily about with her $50 phone then her $1 bargain bin phone.
Though for the record, to show that I'm not a complete sell out, it was a gift, from a special certain someone with employee discounts from Dick Smith.
Currently I'm sorting some techni/network probs which are preventing me from sending piccies, but let me know if your phones piccie compadible and I'll send some your way.

I'm stepping out of my personal mobile stone age...and actually rather enjoying it :)

Wheres Wesem?

2006-06-09T16:40:00.000+10:00

yes, so I'm procrastinating. Currently I'm working on my final 3 assignments for...well...EVER!
coming to this close of sorts has got me thinking, thinking about life after university.

it's a curious thing really; having absolutely no idea where in the world I will be next year. I have a fairly confident prediction that it will indeed be Australia, however where in this incredible little island is anyones guess.
lets consider my options for a moment shall we;

I didn't tick the 'anywhere in the state' box so there's no chance I'll end up out the back of Burke [anything with that name's worth a hesitation ;) ]

My Aunt has been encouraging me to head to Melbourne and give the victorian education department a crack

I'm doing my internship at Taree Christian Community School, and while talking to the Principal he hinted at the fact that if my internship goes well there is a very real possibility that they're looking for new staff next year

Tims Mum Geraldine has been encouraging me to head to QLD and grab some teaching work in Brisbane.

I have it on good authority that Coopernook Christian School is on the lookout for 3 new teachers next year.

I'm ready for a change, Armidale has been incredibly kind to me, but I'm ready to move on.

You know I'm not worried, I'm really not.
I was at Bible study last week and we usually begin the time together with some worship and prayer. During the worship time I was really laying everything down before God, and as I was placing it before him, all my concerns and worries, all the stresses and confuzzlement I started to feel myself freaking out - but in that same moment, I felt the holy spirit pressing on my heart and in an instant I felt peace, as I stood there in this sort of quiet awe, I felt the words fall into my mind, "For I know the plans I have for you, say the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope"...then a few moments later these came "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path"
God is so good.
Not only did I feel the peace, but I knew it was God because he greeted me with his word, and his word is good, it is strength to this life.

So I go...and I trust.

Be blessed lovely brothers and sisters
Lets share prayers.

P.S. Tim recommited his life last sunday night. He's coming to church. :D :D :D
AWESOME!